Thanksgiving!

Aaahhhh.... no more worry about the house for a while.

Four angels sent from God came over to encourage, laugh with and renew me, and help me tie up the strings for company. Thank God -- so much! -- for such caring friends!!


Then arrived the grandkids, bringing Mom and Dad, exhausted from the 8 hrs in the car, driving over ice and snow, wind and rain. The first comment was, "Papa, you need to scoot your house closer to mine...."

We played playdough and puzzles,

rolled in leaves

climbed Papa's "tree house".

Went to McD's and bookstores


played legos



and studied bugs (courtesy of Papa -- of course!)

Even had birthday cake with Grandma! And all the while, read lots of books,



watched Thomas the Train dvds over and over. And had a wonderful, super-delicious, scrumptious, very good time!

Libby is fun for all of us! Dad brings out the biggest smiles in her

but Mom (esp mom!) and brothers bring a light to her eyes and she begins to talk, and talk, and talk. Such joy and thanksgiving for the wonder of a child.

So now time to clean up and get ready to go see Lora and Andrew. Missing Jenny and Jon, Emily and Paul, but hope they have a wonderful Thanksgiving too. Each time with one set of grandkids makes me wish for the long distance ones too.

So Blessings to all! and to all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Just Enough

I need something, and I need it now! I need to be able to focus on the mundane tasks of sorting, cleaning, moving, tossing, trucking -- finishing the job of setting up the house. Larry finished the steps -- they are beautiful! We've resolved to bring my sewing materials downstairs so we both can have uncluttered offices upstairs. But COMPANY IS COMING in 8 days, and they need someplace to lay their heads! I need patience, tenacity, and peace to keep at the job. There is a lot to do, and I am all alone, with too much quiet, too little mental stimulation, and yet the need to think, stay focused -- on the mundane.


Mundane is a very difficult word in my vocabulary. It's beyond my comfort zone. It's almost profane. I was made to zip from thought to thought, job to job, person to person. I think up ideas for relating to one person and another. My downfall can easily be creating more projects than I can feasibly accomplish, but half my joy is in planning. Trudging is not my idea of a joyful life.


Yet trudging through interruptions is a big part of life. That's the relationship with children, especially for a mom. Mom wants to run to the store, but kids don't want to stop play. Mom starts laundry, but kids need her to stop the overflowing toilet. She is fixing dinner or talking on the phone, but that is when fights start, things get broken, or a stranger comes to the door. Life is about trudging through interruptions.

I do better with interruptions than I do getting back to my mundane. Fact remains, mundane must be conquered. I have needed help.

So I've called on a friend who knows just what I need, just as I need it and ask for it! I've asked for manna, from someone who understands me better than I understand myself. Like walking a tightrope over a chasm, I feel precipitously anxious about getting through this, but God is carrying me. More than helping, I feel like he is making it happen.

Yesterday another friend dropped by for assistance with her sewing machine, and a brief chat, after which I made one trip to Goodwill, returned something to a store, and sorted for today's drop-offs. She took another of my donation loads, and this morning I will deliver the other. I need to make a couple more store stops, then come back and begin today's strategy.

It's happening. God is leading me across my tightrope. He waited for me to be desperate enough to trust him. Two days now he's come through , and I really don't feel he's going to chuck me into the chasm. Still would rather not be over the chasm but I've got to get to the other side.

Heard a good line in a song Sunday that stuck. Sorry I don't know who to credit, but the lyrics reminded we must "see the cloud to find the silver lining".

My God is giving me just enough this week. Enough to get me through. Enough to see one more time that he has the resources (of course) but also empathy, and sympathy, for me, to give me what I really need, when I ask, trust, and let him.

Another day. Another prayer. Trust and trudge!

Victory!

What a World!

This week has been ...... well, it's been there.

I ran my cell phone through the washing machine on Monday. When I found it, I took out the battery hoping a drying out might save me, even put phone and battery in rice. No luck. The one I saved for insurance? The last phone I had? I apparently turned in its power charger, mistaking which one would work with that phone.

Last night with Larry at home WITH ME I accomplished more in moving the house around than I have in a month! This mess PARALYZES me. (I used to stay away from my dorm during exam time in college -- because there was no time to clean and organize.) I can't find things, and can't remember if I put them somewhere the first time, second, or third time I moved them!

And this morning I got up to finish some financial tracking I'd worked 3-4 hours on yesterday. Again with all this hectic mess of '09, I've had a hard time keeping track of bills OR paying them. Recently a local cop stopped me and pointed out that my car tags were overdue, and he'd called in to find out if they were paid and just not on. NOPE! I was supposed to renew in Nov 08. It was mid-Oct 09. Such a merciful man! He must have a mid-fifties mom like me! He let me off withOUT the $250 fine.

Oh, the excel sheet from yesterday? I'd worked and organized and entered data, and apparently didn't save it on my laptop, and this morning I couldn't find it anywhere. It's possible I did save it -- feel like I remember saving it repeatedly -- but who knows where! I spent a couple hours and have it up again.

So, is it really "only the world"? I know it is.

I still feel like crying. Because I kept waking all night long. I'm tired today.

But I have too many good things to be thankful for give in to the crying. I'll be OK.

It's all just temporary.

Darkest right before the dawn.

Takes both sunshine and rain to make a rose.

A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck to the job.

I'm hanging on!

It's ONLY the World!

I'm so excited with the message of this song by Mandissa! I listened to the words on the radio as I was crossing the Blue Mountains Friday afternoon. Don't get me wrong, but I've never really been excited about Heaven before. I believe that God wants to give us the glory of his Presence, and the blessing of his strength and power while we are still here on earth. So why are we aching to escape our miseries when the eternal existence of people we care about is at stake?! There are soooooo many people who don't have a clue as to the HOPE and JOY and PEACE we can know with a relationship in Jesus. No preaching intended -- this is where my passion is. I haven't wanted to leave earth till these can understand the safety in Christ.

But this song has really pushed my buttons! Yep, it's been long and hard lately, and Yep, I still want to keep at it for the sake of these people I love. One has just found me on facebook and been writing back and forth every day this past few days. I want to be an encouragement to everyone, but some days I just feel like crawling under a rock and shriveling up.

There are two ends to this emotional tug-of-war. Man, Life has been hard -- but IT'S ONLY THE WORLD! It's temporary. Something much better is just around the corner. The song says, "ain't no way I'm giving in" -- that uplifts and encourages me to keep on!
Hope it likewise encourages you to remember -- IT'S ONLY THE WORLD!

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/m/mandisa26648/onlytheworld1287582.html

(PS. This "http" line is called a "link". Click on it and it will take you to another web page where you can click on a "u-tube" video and hear the song sung, also see the words.)

Home Again

Just returned from a visit with the grandkids, trying to help Mom and Dad out with the rigors of everyday/ 24-7 parenting. It's a hard life! They are doing all the right things, and it's still hard. Sad to say, I think it's supposed to be. I think these hard times -- times when there is never enough help -- show us we are right where God can show us HE will take care of the really important stuff.

I referred many times lately to a book I found last spring called "Manna", meaning the food God gave his wandering Israelite children as they trekked from Egypt to Canaa, from uncertain misery to uncertain hope. I need to read the book again. It stablized me through some hard times. I'm hearing family now finding encouragement in reading it.

Sadly, I need to walk away from the grandkids and entrust them to the care of those good parents, but even more, that loving Creator who not only can, but wants to do more than I can. I need to let Him provide that "manna". Though I wish to be there, I realize the separation is good for both them and for me. Thank you God, for the "grandma fixes" but thank you for showing me what wonderful things you are doing in them.

PS. We tried for grandkid pics with me on the last morning. Joy took 5 or 6, trying for one when everyone was smiling, looking, not drooling (or spitting), not rolling to one side or the other. I wanted to show the progression of how "it takes a series" to get a picture. BUT...... I forgot my camera, at her house. Other things recently forgotten? My car tags .... 10 months after renewal date. Yes, 2 months BEFORE the NEXT renewal date.

Home again. Back to the drawing boards, looking for today's manna.

PPS. Here's one shot.

The Good Stuff

The house is coming together, as fast as we can realistically do it. I still wish it were all completely done. I'm a short term project person. Sewing, cleaning, financial projects -- about any kind -- I need to be able to complete in either a day, or a few days. Otherwise it's like a grain of sand in my teeth. My steadfast Larry turns projects into art, and I adore them when they are done, but I still thrill more to one job done so the next one can be begun.

Our entryway is gorgeous, and the steps, going both up and down, are a masterpiece! Larry took two days off work during the spring, before the summer spin began, and laid the entry tiles. No one could guess it was his first time to lay tiles -- unless they knew Larry. Whatever project Larry chooses, it will be done to perfection. He spent more time bouncing to hear those steps squeak -- so he could find EXACTLY where the squeaks came from -- than it probably took to do all the work. BUT! the steps DO NOT SQUEAK anymore! What a guy!

My part? I painted, and painted, and painted. I actually like painting, but 6 weeks of it is definitely over-the-top for Linda. I need conversation, so our contractor was my salvation while he was finishing flooring, installing closet organizers, laying baseboard, even hanging doors. I tried not to chatter too much. If at any time you've seen me replying rather quickly to your emails, understand you may have been my only contact during the day. I've learned a lot, even from the plumber, but I'm certainly not ready to do their jobs!

The house now? We are thinning down almost 32 years of "stuff" accumulation. I have passed on clothes, furniture, dishes, books, and fabric that I don't want anymore. There will be much more to go, I'm sure. These days the house holds little appeal for me if no one is there to share it.

Do I like the outcome? Oh, yes, it is wonderful! Do I need it? I think what I need most is order and the freedom to enjoy days at school. I look forward to coming home with stories and time to put up my feet and laugh with Larry at the kids. And Larry loves my stories.

Speaking of stories! I have new lines from the kids in Idaho. The first came when Mom had told company that Luke and Ian had iced the cupcakes for dessert. Company said, "thanks! you guys for making those cupcakes. They were incredible!" (or something on that order). To which Ian, the older cupcake-maker replied, "I'm glad you enjoyed them!" The intended approval was netted, to the point of Mr. 5-yr-old asking later, "Does anyone else want to say thank you for making the cupcakes?" Oh, the honesty of a child! Just show me you love me!

The next line came when both boys received new polar fleece blankets in their favorite character designs. They were elated, and showed their gratitude with multiple thank-yous, continuous sharing of the blankets, and even more blankets covering. Luke, our snuggler, kept asking Mom, "do I get to sleep with my new blanket?" "Yes, you do, Lukie." "Grandma, I REALLY love my blanket." Eventually Mom completed the mom-rounds a woman must make before she can sit down and rest, and then she sat alongside Luke. He'd snuggled with Grandma all evening, joking, pretending, reading books, but he turned to Mom, "Mom, you're my best friend." Aaahhh, all's right with the world when Mom is around.

So a house? It's a warm blessing to live in. At least, I'm thankful it's warm, and it's definitely a blessing as long as it isn't a burden. But would I rather have the house or the warm bodies that cover me till I sweat, just to say "I love you, Grandma"? Do you really need to ask?

Warm bodies, hands down! Love keeps me working when I hear no conversation. Love keeps me listening to feet looking for the squeaks! And love makes those steps perfect for me.

A warm body is the only good stuff. A house can burn, or blow away, or be outdone by someone down the street. A house is cold and empty -- without "the good stuff."

Children

A week ago I accompanied a 4th grade class to the Salmon Festival. Big, important event in the Northwest (no lie!) where salmon are a part of our heritage, our economy, our education, our conservation. Fall is when salmon begin the upstream climb to their beginnings, to start the next generation. The salmon journey holds many stories of instinctive determination and amazing feats, despite the interference of man. Conservationists fear we will run them to extinction, but other stories tell how salmon bounty is pilfered. Wow! We're a mixed-up people.

Nonetheless, teaching our kids about the world around them is important, not to mention exciting. It's thrilling to watch the kids' discoveries, so I needed only one invitation to come along.

The teacher I accompanied has 31 students. Most El Ed teachers like a class of 20-24. These kids are "squirrley", a word the principal likes to use. Good kids! Just four times the energy we have, and 1/4 the sense of how to use it! Ha! So Teacher had arranged 5 chaperones, to coordinate.

The day was well planned, an expanded program from 14 years ago when I last attended. We saw 6-10 varieties of live, chained falcons and other birds of prey, then moved to an inside lecture to an outside maze, to a fish ladder (where fish jump upstream), to a hike, to candy and pop and lunch, to a native American dance and display. My five kids were exciting! ranging from squirrley-squirrley boys to giddy girls. I hadn't seen them since last May, so branding names fast was a challenge. But fun! Fun with the arm around the shoulders, reminding, "OK, get the candy, but wash the fish food off your hands first...." or "guys, guys! back this way." It was a constant counting to see where my five had dissolved.

Yesterday I returned to help with reading in this same classroom. Madame Teacher is great, and part of her skill is her plan for repetition and reward. It was my privilege to watch and learn from her. Reading ended in an hour, but I returned later to observe more.

At the beginning of my time yesterday, she handed me 5 letters written by the students I had accompanied. Larry insisted on reading them. He has become as eager to hear my school stories as I am to tell them. I handed him the first letter, prefacing his read with my opinions of the boy: the quietest of the bunch, hispanic, didn't say a word to me all day till we walked away from the native American displays, then "I'm an Indian. There are Indian tribes in Mexico." That insight shocked me, but his letter showed more. Concise neat printing with more things listed to thank me for than any other student! An 9-yr-old diamond in the rough!

Then the squirrliest of the bunch who talks with his eyes, but you're never sure all he's trying to say. His letter was short and sweet, but his eyes are always talking.

And the sweet and prissy little red-head whose letter Larry said sounded like someone wrote it for her, so grown-up and thoughtful! Or the other two beautiful girls whose letters were likewise gracious and sincere.

Children have the greatest abilities to bless, of any creature on earth, but they also can cause the greatest hurt. They reach into our hearts, and may also run off again. They react, and may not understand. They express but aren't sure what they really mean. They are treasures that bring joy and sorrow. They are honest glimpses of our inner selves.

Loving children requires vulnerability, one of the most important gifts a person can give himself, yet one of the scariest. With it comes opportunity to see into the depths of human love, with the risk of not understanding the other person. Still, without it one will never get past the surface of kindness, to experience being valued, accepted, chosen.

Sometimes I struggle even now and want to protect myself from the people I love -- not just family. I'm tired of being tired, tired of being hurt, tired of being sad. What's the alternative? Miss the joys of being loved by a child? Withhold investment in their lives and never know their affection and admiration? Refuse someone's 2nd, 3rd, or 4th chance to prove himself, and miss one more polished diamond gleaming in the world?

Children are more than a gift, they are therapy. Most are honest about what they think. They reflect our own true intentions, perhaps on different levels or at different times. But they want to forgive. One teacher told yesterday of going to a disruptive child to discuss his negative behavior. The teacher expressed the problem, and the child said a simple, "OK." The child then went for a book, handed it to the teacher, climbed in his lap, sat while the teacher read the book, then willingly accepted correction.

I would benefit if I could accept my lessons that easily.