Rubble

www.arosetta.blogspot.com/

God must be doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work in my life even tho I question the day-to-day outcomes. Sometime wonder if I should "straighten out" some people (NOT) , then realize the best choice is waiting. UGH!

But I see God working in other people's lives. The link at the beginning is a young friend I've watched grow from girl to woman. I've seen her make choices, build on them, trust the people, and the God, with whom she has entrusted her heart. I've seen her follow opportunities, prioritize her family and their best interests, and let go of selfish inclinations to compare achievements or accumulation. In other words, she is not holding tightly to this world. She's responding to yearnings the One who made her is feeding.

I also know another woman who is experiencing other bumps and bruises of life that I don't want. She is battling fear and anxiety, reaching for the "protruding root" that will help her climb back up the banks of the dark river into which she has fallen. She has reached several times and found what she thought was a sturdy grasp was instead one more fledgling branch. I ache for her but know she is watching One who walks along the river, trying to point her to a secure path. Just yesterday she showed me more of her growth and faith. I can't pull her up -- she must find the path herself. But not alone.

Several friends are tending to aging parents. One just experienced the last family gathering they expect to have with "dad" while here on earth. Another is traveling 7-8 hours out of a two day trip to be with an ailing parent. The loss of a parent during our adult years is an ominous experience. Not wierd in the supernatural sense, but wierd like "how will I learn to walk through what you've experienced? how will I survive?" Yes, we're left dazed. It again becomes about our own deeply wretching sorrow.

Another friend is experiencing extreme stress in his professional world. That stress colors his judgment, which makes his entire perspective rock. Since we all interact with one another, our stress affects those close to us, despite our efforts to protect them. I pray for him.

And two more friends have found each other again after many years apart, and want to rush into each other's arms without wise counsel and careful preparation for dealing with issues that initially separated them. I care for them.

These and many other cares affect my faith in God. I look at the ones who are seeking him, and the ones who want to seek him, and then think about the ones who don't know that He is WHO they seek. Either God is all-knowing and -loving and -powerful as He says....... Either He created all I see and all I can't imagine that is beyond and keeps it running as long as He sees fit...... Either He cares about the most common birds that visit my back-yard seed pot..... or he is nothing. He can't be both.

I believe He cares. I believe He is in charge. I believe He is growing me and all who want to grow, daily, as He sees we're able to handle the challenges. I believe He is gently opening the eyes of our hearts, wiping away the crusty tears of disappointment, forgiving our fearful kicking and screaming as we realize we can't control much of what happens.

I believe this is love at its finest. Sitting with us in the rubble of our lives, holding us as we scream, rest, hope, and trust. It's a cycle that repeats itself despite good intentions. We're so human, so weak. God is so patient, so merciful.

Rest in his arms, in his care. Believe in his trust. It's our only hope in the devastation of reality.

Kids WILL Surprise You

http://jeremy-amuse.blogspot.com/

Last Sunday in KidZone was very challenging! A 35-yr teaching veteran had the lead and I was present to be the "go-for" or extra hand for anything else needed. Turned out there were several things needed.

Our kids worked on their Christmas musical from September to December. Sunday morning KidZone became a time of jumping and giggling rather than sitting and listening. After the performance we had a couple Sundays of regular KidZone, but we thought little of the antsy disruptions because it was Christmastime. Now it's January -- things should have been back to normal.

But they weren't. Our kids pulled on each other, laid on the floor, leaned, whispered, challenged the teacher(s). The idea that "NO" means no seemed completely forgotten. We had to persist but find new tactics. Frustrating! but we got through.

Then yesterday I found the above blog, totally identified with the frustrations of a dad who is thinking "why can't these people just let my kid have a room to play in -- so I can listen?" And I remembered why we take little people to adult church.

I remember taking our kids into services when we'd usually have to take one out for a talk. I remember flushing as one of them yelled "don't 'pank me! don't 'pank me!" as I passed the 10 seats between us and the door. I remember getting very little out of those services. I was serving rather being served.

But I also got little out of the meals I fixed during those years. They were either cold or everyone was done when I got to my food. Through one period I was often nursing one baby and spoon feeding the other at meal time. Bad choice, I know now, but my best solution then. But I was serving, not being served.

The little ones are learning. The bigger kids are learning. They are learning from our behavior and attitudes. They are learning from what is being said.

And, as the blog parent points out, we will learn from them.

How Big!

Lora and Andrew stopped by last night for supper prior to leaving for Portland this morning. We ate subs in front of the TV. Viewing was science, a natural fascination for them, but subject matter on which I focus, am wowed! for about two minutes, and am back to my book.

But the program was a PBS episode on what is happening beyond the heavens that we can see. They detailed system after system that is outside and beyond the Milky Way galaxy. The narrators also described a little of what they think is happening in these systems, how they are each a part of bigger systems, and how long it takes to see from one end to the other of these systems.....

All that detail hardly makes it to my head. It definitely passes out as quickly as it goes in.

What stuck with me is how big -- how endless! -- this "creation" is! I don't know if they would even call it a creation -- that isn't my point.

Whether we'll be in line to be imploded, exploded, vaporized, or baked is more than I can mentally deal with. I can't live with the fear those possibilities might create. I'm better off not hearing about them. Like it or not, THAT's THE WAY GOD MADE ME!

But the fact that each flower is unique shows it was individually created. Each snow crystal is unlike any other. A Designer made each of them. He knows each unique human life, born and unborn, and knows each hair on each head. To have likewise created each of these star systems -- of which we are minute particles in only one, and of course, the snowflakes so miniscule compared to one of us -- and to plan such detail with the smallest indescribable parts, speaks of some kind of interest, care, empathy. To have created us with emotion, logic, and a part that is above and beyond emotion or logic -- the soul -- speaks of DEEP care, deep love, and explains that such a sacrifice as the birth and death of a God-man might have occurred. But WHY is beyond our abilities to feel or reason! It is INFINITELY beyond!

Getting away from our ability to understand and reason! My point, exactly!

Worrying about my future is something not meant for me. If my Designer could orchestrate just the right survival temperatures to sustain life on our earth for just the right amounts of time, and my body to function with all the balances required in this environment, for just the time I need to get to know HIM, the Designer -- I know I'm safe. Safe in the Designer's plan, safe in the relationship I feel with Him, safe in the infinity of my ignorance.

A confirmation of how smart I don't have to be!

Rough Day

It seems like the desert of the last year still extends ahead of me. I feel so dry and empty emotionally. New and unexpected challenges pop up, and I want to run and hide -- but no where to go! Yet in 50+ years, I've learned that sitting around crying only wastes energy.

Yesterday I was cooking and sniffling, and praying that God would provide an opening if he wanted me to deal with an issue. Not an issue I want to deal with, but one I felt important. Within the hour I got a call, and the opening to deal with it. Did it go well? Nope, it didn't. Did I expect it to go well? Not necessarily. But I was just glad to hear from God, a sign that he still knows I'm here and needing him........

I just read the blog of a young 30-something that is about to undertake a life-turn that doesn't make sense to most peers, even to most 50+ ers. Our culture is about gaining, acquiring, achieving. Ha! Making plans to sacrifice and suffer (not talking literal martyrdom here, but emotional letting go and knowing it won't be easy) is not the popular trend, surely not common. But it's clearly what God calls his people to do. Doing what we know we must do at the cost of what we want to do. WOW, unpleasant. Not what I want to choose.

I admire this young person, but I also thank God for the inspiration of one other "God-follower" who is admitting anguish, yet forging ahead, fully intent on continuing commitment. She will have deserts, and then oases, as do I. My oases often seem very farrrrrrr apart. I just need to see them -- and know God is still aware of me.

She made one statement, not a verbatim quote: "...we don't have to understand God." That sums up a lot. It isn't as simple as a first glance might suggest. Of course, we'll never understand God! you might say flippantly. But I want to understand why he is allowing my desert to go so long. I want to understand why there aren't more companions to be found at my oases.

I'm re-reading a book that has taken me back through the life of King David, writer of the Psalms, killer of the lion and the bear and the giant, warrior who established the city of Jerusalem and the lineage into which Jesus was born. David was "the man" of his time, but he made some serious blunders, then returned to right living -- and did the cycle several times over. I like the story because it demonstrates how God wants to forgive us, disrespectful of who we are or what we've done. He just wants to forgive.

What jumped out to me from this recent study is how un-lucky David was in love. He married the girl of his dreams, lost her when her father stole her away and sent her off to another man. He then married other women (never a smart move, but more understandable both in the culture and considering he thought she was lost). He retrieved his first love when he became king, but by then she was too hurt and angry to love him again, and David eventually banished her. His many wives bickered, plotted for and against their sons. But it seems to me that none of these were sole mates to David. He was left alone. Just David and God.

That is a desert that must have lasted a lifetime. I have my moments with Larry but I'm SO glad to have him, his faithful, gentle, and compassionate love. David wasn't so lucky. I share my anguish with Larry, and together we go to God.

Rough day or night, God is with me. Dark clouds or sun, he sees me. I'm thankful for times he sends encouragement, but I still wonder why life has to be so tough.

But I know, he is God.

Reflections

Wow! It's been such a busy time! First was the rush of wrapping, baking, and washing. Then once we arrived with the grandkids there was play, play, play! I have empathy constantly for the mothering my daughters now do.

Libby is a magical blessing! WOW! A girl for Joy and I to play dolls with! The boys love her -- wonderously! -- but they still play the loud, blustery boy-play! She'll find her own ways of keeping up -- watch out, brothers!!!

We miss Jenny and Jon, and Paul and Emily. I'd love to see Paul and Emily around a Christmas tree. Lora and Andrew are with us now, enjoying their time when everyone else is back to the grind. The good side to a belated holiday!

Now I sit back and survey tasks I need to tackle, and feel I still need to cherish the quiet glory of the season. I am realizing God's quiet sufficiency. Today I have been wondering if I've really been reaching for the strength He has promised to give if we ask -- expecting an answer!

It's a wonderful snowy day outside! Heavy snowfall! Big flakes! Beauty! Magic! Calm.....

I think I need to enjoy the mysteries around me, and trust the Maker of the Snow for the things I can't understand.

And see what other mysteries are present that I've overlooked!

Man, I love to watch a snowfall! Feel like a six-year-old kid -- till I start shoveling the driveway.....

Gifts of the Season

It's still 15 days before Christmas, but they are passing fast. I need to take Jenny's gifts to the PO to mail. Then we'll be with Joy's bunch over Christmas itself, and Lora and Andrew will be in town when we return. It will be busy, and fun. A good time to enjoy family.

But hopefully a time to be reaching out to others, as well. I've been reminded many times this season of the need for reaching beyond myself. One son-in-law has been blogging about giving to others. My delivery man yesterday is facing layoff next week. Our weather has been SUPER cold, and there are many homeless in our valley.



One thing that has taken me outside my neat and tidy plans was a request for sugar cut-out cookies for a party this year. I don't know when I've made the cut-outs! I use the recipe year long, but usually just roll them in granular sugar, or maybe ice the circle. But strictly round cookies! Fast and easy! So when my friend asked me to make cut-out cookies, I said yes. I HAD asked what she'd like me to do to help. So cut-outs it was!

I had baked most of the week, thinking I needed to bake for another occasion as well. Cookies everywhere. When I showered I could smell it. Even smelled it on Larry when I kissed him good by in the morning. The house smelled of cookies. It was good.

But the cut-outs had to be iced, and the week had been busy, making the icing the last project to get done. When I got home Friday, I had to get started, and was icing when Larry got home from work. He looks forward to a night in front of the TV ("Monk" finale!) and a total veg-out. So he kept teasing and hinting about downstairs TV, but these had to all be done by noon Saturday.

Finally, he offered, "they would get done faster if I helped...." to which I replied, "yep, they would!" We iced together till about 9 pm, then again 8 to 11 on Saturday. The most fun I've had for weeks! Doing something together! We talked, teased, listened, shared. Nothing too serious to detract attention from the issue at hand. No football games in the background. No lab experiment to think about. Just icing on the hands. How do I put on the sprinkles? What do you think of this color? How shall we decorate the angels? We had a great time together.

I even CHOSE cut-outs when I needed a dessert for the next Christmas party, and he readily helped me when he walked in the door from work, taking the left-overs to a work Christmas dinner today. I didn't get any more original with decorating than we'd already done, but good responses and good taste, made it an easy repeat.

Happy times, Everyone! If Christmas is about giving, it should include more than what we can buy, or even what we can make. It should include giving our time. And if giving is better than receiving -- which we all know is true -- it's more about listening than telling. We have wonderful parents always eager to hear how all the kids are doing. They keep up by whatever means possible. A brother-in-law will grab his phone and call one of my daughters at the most unexpected times. He teases, but he listens.

Love. A gift received, that keeps on giving.

Enough for All Times

Some special friends are going through really tough times. No amount of time, money, or condolences will solve their dilemas. Friendship is important at these times, to hold one another up when we feel like more than wilting -- sometimes we wish for an emotional coma -- but friendship is all I can offer.

What I CAN do for my friends is to call upon The Giver. His help is not always considered helpful because it is mysterious, not immediately apparent tho immediately caring. He has ways of affecting time, people, moods, even perspectives. He can shed light or remain hidden. He can stop the world, and has even moved time backwards. He can open windows into other worlds, and sometimes show us we are happiest where we are.

His mystery is what makes Him bigger than me. Isn't mystery what brings droves to theater premieres? Isn't mystery what draws the lost and lonely into one last haunting quest? Mystery suggests a Force or Power greater than myself that won't be duped, depressed, or daunted as I am. That it will be my personal intro into a strength I need when life gets to be too much. We all long for that Something that is bigger, that will be enough.

We need this Force that will be "enough" for not just today's worst nightmare, but also available for the next unbelievable uncertainty.

My Giver is always available, personal, trustworthy, and comforting. He often says "wait", but that doesn't mean he's busy elsewhere, I've learned he knows holding on is sometimes best for me.

I've learned My Giver is real from a lifetime of personal connection. You don't want to hear all the personal stories, but in each one, he brought me through.

He is mysterious, but he is no secret.

He is The Giver, but also The Gift.

The Gift of Christmas.

Jesus the Christ.