The Things We Do For Love

Remember the old song of the '70s? ".... like walking in the rain and the snow, when there's no place to go, and ya feel like a part of you is dying....."




Actually nothing is dying here! We're planting a LOT! THAT is part of "the things we do for love". Larry actually is involved ONLY for love because -- it turns out -- he has ended up feeling more overwhelmed by my efforts to relieve some of his stress.




A friend has been helping me with some backed-up yard work that Larry hasn't had time for because of the stresses of his work. I just wanted to help him out! So she and I planted and organized and rearranged, all with the intent of making it nice, having a great time doing it together, and hoping for his pleasure in one job he didn't have to do for himself.





He had taken down a monstrous tree that was diseased and dead, all the while grieving that a huge old shade tree would be gone, and it will take tens of years for its shade to be reproduced(...the things you do for love...).

The stump grinder came and spent a good part of an hour grinding this one monstrous stump, at LEAST 36" in diameter. A week later (after company came and went) I shoveled the mulch created from our monster stump into a pile in the center of the yard, after filling all the mobile containers we had, and found one more root the workman hadn't ground -- probably because he knew it was potentially in line with irrigation lines.

I asked Larry to pull out that root -- which he started -- but then we found another root three times its size under the first. The surprises continued all day as he dug and axed and mattoxed in 90 degree heat. Roots were intertwined with all the irrigation we uncovered, making ONE MORE task overwhelming! I stayed outdoors and brought him water while I moved rocks in the shade, most concerned for his work in the heat.

Finally, after breaking three irrigation lines, we were able to quit digging, knowing we had clearance for connecting the breaks. THANK GOD for my man! We bought the irrigation pieces at Lowes, returning home to "the easy part". He spent hours on Monday putting back the lines, then I thought I'd work Tuesday putting back the dirt.

Not so. First, I'm not a shovel girl. The back can't do that kind of work. Second, I hadn't remembered to get the "organic material" he told me we needed to mix in with the sandy soil we have for planting our tree. Today he took the truck and will get compost or organic soil from one of the local nursery supply places.

We'll get there! I'd just not intended to burden him more. We'll be glad, at least, when the tree is in, and then he'll dig me holes for the bushes. I THINK I can take it from there..............

The Secret of the Rose

I'm re-reading a series of books that I first read sometime in the '90s. They are set in WWII Poland where Larry will be traveling for meetings this summer. I'm disappointed it's not working out for me to go along, but there must be a reason......

My book series is titled "Secret of the Rose", and the secret is referenced often throughout the first volume. As expected, the author takes the reader through vivid accounts of fear, fight and flight of both Jews and Christians who were broken-hearted with the destruction of their beloved country. The principle character is a baron who chose and delighted in the land, farming grain crops, reveling in the forests, and especially in nurturing a "garden of life", central to which was a rose garden.

The secret of the rose is that the fragrance is found in the petals, yet the real secret is in how fragrance is released. I'm coming to realize anew that nothing good comes easy, and even the fragrance of the most beautiful gift can't be realized without feeling the thorns of each life-experience as well as the dropping of the petals. As the author explains, petals die and drop so that new life can emerge.

He also explains that the life doesn't come from the rose itself. Life comes from the dirt, the ugly, unwanted, tromped and unappreciated dirt. No plant grows or survives apart from what the dirt gives in nutrition and as a transport of food and water. Our lives likewise cease to flourish if we pull away from what we often think is just the ugly, unappreciated monotony, yet that is what really keeps us going, physically and spiritually.

I want to be thankful for the sustenance I receive, the physical, spiritual and psychological sustenance. Larry gives me a lot of that, and we've had a great week of quiet in a getaway cabin overlooking a river in Northern WA. It's uplifting to see him sleeping peacefully -- past 5 am! It's also fulfilling to see him enjoy pleasure reading -- though how he can sit still hour after hour amazes me! It's blessing to be able to just blurt thoughts and feelings and have him listen. Uh, yeh, he's a good listener when all the events of work and church aren't filling his mind. But I'm grateful.

My spiritual sustance comes from God. I'm also grateful that God not only listens to my heart, I know he KNOWS my heart and is waiting for me to look up and ask for direction. As a parent (or grandparent) sometimes I know it's best to wait for kids to ask for help. God never forces himself on me. Yet when I wait and listen, direction comes (yes, some times more quickly than others).

Enough ramble. I want to remember to be thankful for the process, the hard times, the dirt, even the rain as well as the sunshine. Life is never one thing or another - it is many experiences blended together.

Hope you enjoy your dirt today, even the rain. The rain is a time of rest, remember.

Blessings for beautiful roses!

I Believe in the Rose

Life has been different lately. It's never what we expect, and too often not what we hope for.

A new pastor and family have finally arrived, signaling the end of Larry's overwhelming responsibility as lay leader of our church in the absence of a senior pastor. Other lay leaders as well as interim staff were more than critical -- they each affected our lifes through experiences only God knew would happen. My "endless desert" now looks like a contained learning opportunity, but I often doubted I could last emotionally. Emotions fatigue me, and at the same time they build, stretch, and lift me up. I've had soooooooooooo many experiences I've wanted to run away from these past three years, and slowly I've learned -- once again! -- that it's not about me (DUH!!!).

Some of the "desert roses" God has put in my lives have been temporary, like amazing answers to prayer. Others are new friendships that will last. It's been so FORTIFYING to see those in the next generation who are letting faith in God take them places where they are appalled to go, apart from a faith that God is providing, and goes ahead of them. Watching young adults praise and lead others in praise while they live without the livelihoods they've started out on! Watching young families trust that God will carry them -- and our parent-prayers support them -- till the storms settle! Watching new leaders step eagerly into roles they had previously declined. Watching my own kids thrive, and believe, and survive their own upheavals. Yes, life is about timing, but often not our own timing. God gives us the "roses" we need when we need them, sometimes in money, sometimes in guts, sometimes in courage.

Yesterday I had an experience I've been previously unprepared to tackle. I accepted a sub call, but was told upon my arrival at the school that I was needed in a different slot. The class where I'd be placed was one of kids I'd not yet been able to control when I'd had them in a half-hour PE class on other days when I'd subbed. No question, as first graders they are a handful, and their regular teacher commented once that part of the control is being used to it.

So I smiled, "sure, no problem" and headed for this class. "Lord, I need more than a little extra today....." I prayed as I walked down the hall. I straightened my back, read, reviewed the notes, and did my best to be ready when they came in. We started off with smiles and hugs and "where's our teacher?", but the morning moved along steadily. I started to send them to recess an hour early, but of course a half-dozen of them corrected me -- quick, back to the notes! The day was actually quite successful -- despite a dozen students needing to "pull cards" (the current discipline method in many schools, cards being the method of counting misdemeanors), and by days end I realized I'd actually enjoyed it -- them! -- and my fears were not only gone, they were no longer founded. My strength came from within -- from actually beyond me -- but my Strength showed me how to better utilize my own resources and better utilize the resources of the students.

It's scary to wonder what tests of growth God might have for me in the coming years. Good to know the good times hide what's beyond the next ridge. But also good to know that all the "oases" and "desert roses" God has provided in the past are just promises of more flowers and springs that are still ahead.

And by the way, after walking through "communication issues" Larry and I have been bridging these last few days about our backyard :o), we are working on a beautiful garden to enjoy in the years ahead. Everything from communication to bushes require maintenance, and some of our bushes needed DRASTIC work. Ha! Ha! Lots of work makes for sore muscles but a clean fresh feeling and fragrant results.

I believe in the roses of life. And I've also just recently learned that roses aren't as fragile as were once thought.

Let's keep trudging together. I hope we can share roses, and cross paths often, and continually point one another -- in the times of despair and fear -- to the Source of our Strength!

Blessings for a rose-filled day!

What Blows In -- OR Out -- With the Storms

I guess last night was pretty windy. Not for me. I was deep into la-la-land. Too many days lately w a sideline headache from too late nights and too early mornings. Larry has started bloom time, and I go with him some mornings to count blooms in the orchards in prep for experiments of the day. It's just nice to have him tell me it's nicer having me there ..... though following him row to row if I don't get the gist of what we're doing leaves a little challenge. After yesterday I feel I have a better grasp than I've ever had before, so it makes everything click. I feel left out of his life when I don't know or don't understand what is going on with his work. He may or may not have the energy to listen to what has happened in mine .... especialy when he's baffled. (When I catch him in that zoned-out mode, we're learning to tread sweetly, and joke, and try, try, try again. :O)

Saturday he left about 10 am, and worked till 4 pm. Driving home, he called and told me a couple of disappointments, one being bad news from a friend, the other that the first experiment of the season was a wash. No results to record, this season a flop, on that first experiment. When he needs at least two-year results to write a paper, and Uncle Sam is breathing down his neck for papers, that was pretty bad news. With his work the weather is considered to be the most uncontrolled variable, but they had hoped they were prepped for all other pressure.

We have houseguests presently, and are enjoying watching two young teens live in our crackerbox downstairs. It's not ideal changing schools mid-year, but these guys are hanging tough. It's great hearing their evals of how the day went, what new experience they encountered. They're weathering the storms. Yep, storms aren't just for adults.

So Larry had his storm too. Disappointments in the lab. I asked how he was doing, shortly after he arrived home. "Trying to have a good attitude..." he said. He asked about the kids (parents back in Olympia cleaning carpets in prep for renters), and I suggested that John wanted to go play basketball. Larry immediately shifted his focus to them, off himself .... and life improved.

The problems don't go away, but the focus can change. One niece recently posted on her blog, "see life through the windshield rather than the rearview mirror." Good advice! For us all.

So when the sand blows in my eye, I need to start looking for -- diamonds?

I Know She Loves Me

I spent a great week with grandkids the week before Easter. As he was leaving for his day, our 3-yr-old said to his mom, "I know she loves me...."

All the way home, every time I thought of that statement, I teared up. So simple, so profound -- so true.

But truth is, he's not the only one I love. I want others to know how much I love them.

I love my husband, my daughters, my sons-in-law, many, many, many friends.

I've grouped them, but they are individuals. Unique! Special! Delightful! Precious!

I love people who don't know I care. I want to live a life of love.

Hopefully, they will someday think to themselves -- "I know she loves me!"

What Easter Means to Me!

I didn't hear anyone verbalize specifically what I want to state as MY joy in Easter.

I love the family time, kids finding eggs, adults sneaking candy, a chance to buy extra treats.

I love the joy and excitement in church, memories of the orchids my dad used to buy. He purchased one for mother, and one for each of us five daughters. One Easter I slid on the icy sidewalk walking to church. Another Easter I got a new baby sister -- at 6:30 AM--Daddy was back in time for church.

I love the hope of eternal life. A churchy phrase, probably better said, "the promise of life after death." Because Jesus came back from death, we can believe all he said about himself, heaven, and being with him after death.

But what I love most is one of the last things Jesus said before he returned to heaven, that he would send a "comforter". Not a fuzzy cozy blanket, but a being that would not just keep me secure, but would walk with me, through all the "stuff" of life.

THIS IS MY JOY in Easter. Jesus lives. His life is historically verified, so he was either a hoax or the Son of God, as he professed. He said that true character will be proven, as will likewise the fakes. It still takes faith, to believe, but also to hang on.

This hanging-on is what life is about. Hanging on when there is no rest for young parents. Hanging on when finances are so tight that $20 debts make us cringe. Hanging on when parents get news of cancer. Life seems dull when everything goes good, so ultimately, hanging on is where the rubber meets the road.

My God is with me in the hanging-on times. He has walked with me this past year as I have felt endless darkness, and sometimes no sense of his presence or provision. He has sent several of those "oasis flowers", but always after I've remembered to plead for them -- not take for granted that they would pop up. MY GOD! HEAR THAT! He is MY GOD!

I love the story of the tomb and the ladies finding it empty. I love knowing that one of his closest friends is remembered for his fear and doubt -- it comforts me at my lowest times. But I love most knowing that that was only the beginning. The rest of the story is that MY GOD is with me NOW!

It's not a thing about knowledge or smarts. It's all about trust. I realize each day that I can do nothing to protect my kids or grandkids, but I pray MY GOD will protect them, first from evil, and then from danger. I ask him to walk them through the hard stuff, because that is what grows them into sturdy trees that will produce good fruit.

On to today! Who knows what! I know how! With MY GOD!

My Little Tempters

I'm visiting grandkids right now -- and their parents too, of course -- but Papa Larry couldn't get away from work. The fruit blossoms with which he works are ready to pop, which means Papa will soon start his minimal 2 week stint of 18 hr days, then another 2 weeks of 12 hr days, slowing to the regular 8 hrs in about 4-5 weeks. No weekend runs at apple blossom time.

We all miss him. The first day I was here, Ian asked me, "Grandma, we've all been hoping you would move closer to us, but you haven't done it. How come?" Oooooh, tough one. How do I answer that and not confuse him with concepts of extended time? My best stab was, " ... well, when God tells us it is the right time, Ian....."

And today Luke spoke up, while we were driving. "I miss Papa Larry. And he misses me when he is at his house, and grandma misses me when she is at her house." No question. A statement. They know we love them. That tugs at my heart (and brings tears to my eyes)even as I write this.

True, God knows when is the right time to be with these little guys and their "Princess Strawberry" (as they have dubbed Libby). God knows how much their loving comments pull at grandparent-hearts -- and might even detract loving grandparents from making hard choices, in favor of grandkids. There is an obvious reason for the saying, "grandparents get to spoil them". Whether we actually spoil them or not, the temptation is SO definitely there.

I TRIED to play the superhero woman! Ian told me I had two swords in my back -- I thought that meant I was stabbed twice. It actually meant I had two sheaths on my back from which I could pull swords to fight. I'm definitely not up on -- or any good at -- this. I contorted and tried to die dramatically, till they told me, no! I could fight! Joy said she got tears from laughing so hard ..... :o)

Libby adores her brothers! She's totally engaged with them, eyes following every move. This sweet little dumpling was filling every inch of her baby seat (only 8 1/2 mos, mind you), so Mama Joy moved her into another car seat. But now she can't see to talk to brothers! Today she talked anyway. She's definitely not one to be overlooked or forgotten. She loves their shows and movies, their antics, the animals they chase. She loves Mama and Grandma's hair -- and earrings! Pulled one of mine off the other day.

Easter will be here soon -- 3 days! Joy painted crosses with them Monday morning. She said they immediately saw the crosses as SWORDS! She's learning to adapt to this "warrior" bent of the male species (erupting constantly in the little guys -- a little more controlled in the big ones). I'm still trying to understand it. For the most part, I step back, swallow, then laugh! :) Anyway, we were driving this morning when Ian saw a church cross and said, "Look Mom! A cross where Jesus died for us!" They are hearing us -- we can't give up just because it's so much work.

It's supposed to be work -- for grandmas and papas, for teachers and daycare workers, for neighbors and church friends. We are working TOGETHER. Yeah, "it takes a village". It takes a family. It takes lots of love.

So while I love my little Tempters, I must not be mastered by them. I'll look for as many ways as I can to love them, and remember Who I love most.

Happy Easter, All!