Contentment

First we’re pacified, then constrained, told to stand, then to sit. We’re taught to consider, be wise, be bold, be gentle.

We realize we must struggle, prepare, reach, pace. And then, when we are most worn out, if not beat up by our own fears and insecurities, we wonder again about the idea of contentment. I know I can change no one but myself, but I want to see change. Do I accept the world, or wish and try to affect it?

I think I’m learning that the best method for growth is contentment. Still striving without anger or malice. Still longing without envying. Still dreaming without compromising.

And in reaching selflessly, sometimes the world changes, one spoonful at a time.

Man, I wish I didn’t have to preach this lesson to myself every day.

Terrified Shepherds?

From the stories I've heard, shepherds have to be pretty brave guys. They are roaming a "wilderness" not like the cool lush fields I've imagined. We've heard the story of David (from the Bible) killing a bear and a lion. And reaching or climbing over cliffs to rescue a wayward lamb takes some kind of courage. There's a reason we're not all rock climbers.

So why were the shepherds terrified when the angels came to announce birth of a baby in the nearby village? I heard the thot yesterday that they were in awe -- no, more than awe or amazement; actually terror -- of the Presence that they sensed. The Bible says it was "the glory of the Lord". I've been wondering just what that is.

All the things I know about God, and much more, wrapped into a "Glory"! Power, justice, strength, mercy, grace and forgiveness -- on a scale beyond my best mathematical comprehension. I can't imagine just what that would be, but I do believe the likelihood of terror. I am too weak to be all I want to be, even tho I know I should. I just mess up too often. Ask my family. Being in that presence would likewise bring ME to terror.

I don't think "the Glory" came to threaten the biblical "bouncers". The story says the angels came in peace. Somehow, that means peace for me today too -- Christmas and more. I'm still a possibility.

Whispers

I had a great day yesterday! Those hyped, hormonally-driven 7th graders again. Ha! I took along some baby candy canes and red vine licorice to keep them motivated ... and the day moved along nicely.

The fun was in watching their behavior. Who'd have expected the best students in the class to come back, begging (in their coniving ways) for another candy cane? Two even came back at the end of the day to see if I had any left! I watched an ADD kid with unreadable homework pull out his Nintendo with Sudoku on it, as he ran back and forth from laptop to desk, multitasking. I heard another student talk about a 20 yr old sister-in-law dying from leukemia. Another student told me I smelled good.

WOW! The payback for investing in a couple bags of candy. Really? Maybe it helped, but I think it came from listening, not to what they were saying, but what they weren't saying. I'm trying, but I still have a lot to learn about listening.

I'm trying to listen to the whispers of my heart. When it's frigid like today, to thoughts of those with cold homes. When I have a headache, to thoughts of those who've just found cancer. When I miss my kids, to thoughts of homeless who haven't seen theirs for much longer than I.

I need to listen.......

The Right Gift

So many things lately remind me that we're all a bunch of weaklings, trying to do the right thing.

I showed up for work an hour late yesterday -- got the days mixed up! YUCK!

Someone else is trying to improve his leadership style 'cause the family survival depends on it.

Another special person realizes how far short he falls from the abilities he thinks he needs.

We're all weak, insufficient, fumbling, NOT ENOUGH!

Maybe we're made with limitations that our Creator hopes will awaken us to our lack of invincibility. Maybe this awareness can awaken us to new relationships that will enhance our love and compassion. Maybe this love and compassion is really at the base of what every career, every obligation is about.

What do I need this season? I think I really need a greater sense of contentment. I'm not meant to save the world. I AM meant to do my best at the job where I serve today. Yesterday I needed patience -- and compassion -- for hyped, hormonally-driven seventh graders asking "how old were you when you learned about Santa Claus?" Today I need to accept that I can't make and bake all I want in the next two weeks. Tomorrow I need to just enjoy the joys of the children around me.

Sure, I'm a weakling, but not a failure. I can listen, but not fix. This Christmas I want to revel in what I have, what I can glean without accumulating. Pleasure. Smiles. Peace. Hope.

And I do believe that it exists because of the One Perfect Gift of Christmas.

Thanksgiving

When our girls were little, we drove home one night listening to a 4-year-old backseat singer, thanking God for the moon and the stars, toys, and yes -- broccoli. We heard that song this weekend -- without mention of the broccoli. Little ones singing a tune that has never been written down, from a heart that is so content and overflowing, mentioning - or not mentioning - the simple joys of life. That really brings you back to earth - remembering the simple pleasures. And how close I was to forgetting them amid the "big" problems of life.

It was fun. No - precious. Watching two little heads peer at the multi-colored lights. "Mo' Kwismas!" "I's Bwootiful!"

Another cherished memory will be today's 6 1/2-hour drive home. (NO, we didn't speed. We ate before leaving and only made one bathroom stop!) I'm so thankful for Larry. Too many times I talk - and keep talking - to explain my point. Today he talked a lot, trying to explain his understanding of my feelings. He knows me, and appreciates what I have invested in our home, marriage, and family. He understands that sometimes I am not logical, but he also(sometimes) knows why I am not logical. We HAVE been working on this understanding (AND listening) thing for almost 31 years. Sometimes it seems like we are on different wave lengths, but today we rode the same one.

It's great to be with family. Just hanging out together. Larry mentioned (again) how God sent the right guys for our girls.

We're also thankful that gas prices are down!!! And for health for our parents. And for our siblings.

And for tomorrow. Tomorrow. A new day, a new opportunity, a new chance at hope. Gotta take it. Not taking it -- is dismal.

Blessings! Be thankful!

Home again! Jiggity!!! Jig!!!

Oh, it's good to be home! So good. Eating out is great, but gets old when you can't have just a liiiiiiittle bit of something, when you have to walk a half-mile in the cold back to the hotel every night after eating, and when you run out of "special!" restaurants, and have to start visiting them the second time! SAD! I'm SUCH a wimp! Doing hair in the humidity of Florida is really a stretch too! -- We'd saved, waited, and did enjoy our time, but there's no place like home.

NOT to say we wanted to get back into the saddle. Every so often I have to have an attitude re-adjustment regarding the stress God allows my husband to endure for the sake of a paycheck. Of course, it isn't just for a paycheck. This is where God wants him at this place in time. Which also means that dealing with HIS stress is where God also wants ME at this place in time. I just finished re-reading a book (and it's sequel) that really affirmed for me that I must let God use Larry how HE plans, not according to what I think is ENOUGH! God is in control!

Today I worked with 5 other ladies in our church assembling upholstering

fabric samples into a quilt, backed with a 2 1/2 yd piece of fleece. We have 3 mostly completed and 10 more underway. Our plan is to pass them on for distribution to the homeless of our community. I can't imagine sleeping outside as the weather is chilling down -- I'm so grateful for a house and good working furnace. But the weather isn't all that daunts them. I pray that God takes our efforts -- namely, the quilts -- and reminds these people, whomever they are, that He is with them and cares about them. We'll work more tomorrow, but hope to get them made and distributed asap.

Larry is sick. Flu probably. The guy seated next to him on the plane, coughed for 6 hours. He's still working, still getting up at 5 (better than 3 AM), still working nights and weekends. -- God is in control.

Can't wait to see the boys (Thanksgiving) -- AND the big kids! I brought Legos home on the plane for them. It is SO hard it is to decide which items to buy for grandkids when you want to buy them all! Fortunately, I can't make Legos! Ha!

I taught 5th gr sp ed Math and Science yesterday. It was a good day, two great sets of kids, but with the second set, especially, I could see how challenging it really is for them to complete a task. Most of them could grasp the tasks -- some could not. And every one of them looked like everyday, normal kids. A couple are handicapped by their situations. I wonder about the others. I feel for them all -- and admire the teachers. I admire teachers who deal with kids every day--and love them.

If I could ask one prayer for the world, it would be that we would give more grace to one another. Grace for the person who ticks us off. Grace for the appointment who forgets us. Grace for the person who endangers us because they were careless. Grace for the person who didn't know better. Grace when I don't feel like giving it. Grace when I feel I don't have any more to give. Because I've been the one who has needed grace for every one of these situations!

Blessings! Have a BRIGHT day!

I'M EXCITED!

Yes, I am! We're going on a trip! And even tho this trip (like always!) involves Larry's work, we'll have days to just play, laugh, have dinner, smile, remember, wish for kids and grandkids.......

We began planning early in the year for this trip, and that I would go along, that this would be the trip to make up for the 25th and 30th anniversary presents we didn't get to give each other. It was supposed to be Hawaii, but ...... well, maybe 35th!

Today I pruned 3 bushes in the back -- because he doesn't have time! I won't attempt to prune the junipers because he has his own way, but the holly, ornamental crab, and forsythia were monsters this year!

My sample quilt for our church project (quilts for the homeless) is done. A friend will meet and advertise while we are gone, and we'll work with volunteers to make 10-12 in a few weeks.

I've contacted moms to learn which Disney characters are grandkids' favorites right now. We'll be taking pictures with Wally & Eva, Mr. Incredible, Ariel and Tinkerbell -- if we can find them!

I need to make some more applesauce or else get more apples in the old frig. Even drying them would be good, but the drier takes so long.

Tomorrow I should deliver some donations, ask the neighbor to watch the house, wash the rest of the clothes.

His work continues to take every moment that I don't ask him to do something else, but I'm accepting it. God knows. God allows. God has a plan. I don't like this stage of the plan, but I'm not God, am I? so live with it, Linda, and be thankful!

So I thank God tonight for 3 daughters who are happy with us and a husband who grins at me when I get excited.