Life lately has seemed such a list of to-do things. Not that they aren’t meaningful, or fulfilling, but too fast, too many, too overwhelming. Sometimes I actually have a moment of “how did I get here?” and would credit that to “senior moments” except that I remember having those thoughts and being scared when I was just a busy young parent. A few moments ago I read a devotional that that spoke of faith in God. It described faith as a continual choice. It’s not just daily – sometimes it’s minute by minute. Faith is making a decision to go on believing that God has my best interest at heart and is working all things for my good. But not just for my good; for the best of everyone I love, whether heartsick or ill, in financial or spiritual crisis, nearby or far away, with similar struggles or challenges I can’t imagine. No one I know has wisdom to handle all that! Faith in God is the only hope!
Larry just returned from a trip overseas. I didn’t accompany him because multiple challenges made it seem a bad choice for me to go, but I continued to grieve the loss of opportunity. I stayed home and worked on the house. A couple of the workmen who came that week were interesting specimens, one believing in God, but scared to believe in people, and the other choosing “the straight and narrow” because “it’s the only way to live.” Both had backgrounds in “ethics” or religion, but both are very cautious. I’m coming to believe this is just the way of human nature, and we’ll let each other down, no matter which generation it is. Somehow I feel these guys were part of the plan for my not taking this trip. I’m not yet quite sure how – and I am not sure whether I will understand or not. More and more, I’m convinced that my focus in life MUST be obedience to God, to the thoughts he puts before me. Like laying in bed this morning thinking about all the people I care about and want to help – and then remembering the one I’m most frustrated with. God reminded me I can’t ask for mercy and then refuse to give it. And as I see another dear friend struggling with unexplainable trauma, my obedience must be trust in God – alone! – and not trying to fix or counsel. Such a distant act of caring, I’m tempted to think, but no, it’s the obedience I’m called to give. My obedience must be to Christ. Obedience to Christ FIRST leaves the door open for me to SAY yes, then rush to find what others would have me to DO; obedience to Christ ALONE means I will wait for and be satisfied with what he directs.
So as I want to find peace and joy, I’m learning to DECIDE to have this faith each day. Not just faith that he made the mountains or the galaxies, but that he has a plan for every moment of every life. Whew! That he has a plan for every moment of suffering? Every moment of uncertainty? Every moment of obedience or DISobedience? YES! He alone is God. I am called only to follow him, not always understand his ways. I’m not talking about mystical enlightenment. Rather just doing what I know that I know that I know. Repent, forgive, listen, give, wait. It’s so simple, it’s scary. No hiding. If I know it, I must obey it.
So I choose to rejoice today in the “desert roses” I see, what I have rather than what I don’t have. When I get angry or feel defeated, I’ll once again ask him to help me have the heart he wants to use. Please God, take this very little faith and make it what you want. This is my act of obedience.
