The Thanksgiving Learning Curve

We just came from a few days with the older generation (Larry's parents), then a few with the younger (our TN kids) ... and their offspring as well. We came home more thankful, and aware that age is daunting. A guy on the plane shared "aging isn't for sissies...."

At Larry's folks, we spent two mornings listening to reflections on people and places of yesterday. Then, in Tennessee during Black Friday shopping, Larry was the doting Papa with squealing GKs on a hill slide in the leaves, a PB&J picnic under the trees, and a tight squeeze into the play tent. I enjoyed time shopping with Jenny, but also discussing things young moms can seldom debate, like opinions, reasons, anything requiring thought and not listening for "too much quiet" in the other room.

As I enjoyed someone else's cooking and celebrated restaurants Wenatchee does not have, I realized how I take for granted our food. We toss rotted fruit and veggies with no remorse. So

much of the world eats whatever it can, from C-rations, to years-old canned stuff, to a little watery soup or rice.

And as we missed our own beds at home, our multiple outlets, our preferred breakfast foods, NO PETS! we remembered that many grandmas and papas with whom we rub elbows each week share sleeping spots with other family members needing comfort and warmth.

These exhausting trips mean days of loving family by more than just phone. We witnessed (great-grand) parent pride as they played a dvd of one sibling bragging on another. Our kids wisely deal with parenting issues we're glad we no longer have as their 4- and 6-yr-olds love each other with squeals and fights. The visual experience is so rewarding!

Nerve-wracking discipline, exhausting road trips, and creative budgeting seem overwhelming, but really-- It is a wonderful life! Through it we teach and create Love, for family and others, for Our Maker, the First Giver of all life.

So don't ever wonder if it's worth it. Just wait and see!

Hug a Mom!

IT’s been an interesting day. Four young mothers passionately shared with me the pressures they face as they prioritize family.

All these young mothers are “working”, some for dollars, some for kisses; all full-time moms and part-time contributors to other organizations. All have education beyond high school but are more concerned with how their kids adjust to daily life than how their professional careers progress. They have chosen to way-lay frills and treats that other colleagues take for granted, like daily coffees, weekly dinners out, or occasional shopping sprees. Some coupon to save on groceries. Some trade babysitting to have a few moments alone. Each longs for a few hours with their special men each week, and appreciate beyond words the helping hands from grandparents.

But no words tell the fervor with which they described to me their busy schedules, their dilemmas with one child’s development as compared to another sibling, their longings to be the perfect moms to their little people. They have the hardest jobs on the planet.

THANK GOD FOR MOMS! For the nurturers who want to push us towards the edge of the nest, but swoop close if we look about to crash. Thank God for the mornings they awake remembering one more thing we’d asked of them, or a glint in the eye that only they understood, and praying God will give us strength and wisdom today for the challenges that scare us.

Long ago we were each the little person who longed for and needed this kind of mom. Some of us had moms busy with other siblings who never saw our pleas for one-on-one time. Others may not have even had mom home when we went to bed … for many different reasons. Still others had this kind of mom … and didn’t realize it.

Our little people may not realize it either. But moms today need encouragement as much as our moms did. Whether a work-for-pay or stay-at-home mom, all of them get tired of the 24-7 hours their jobs demand. Very little time off, very little performance approval, very little training, and – sick time? NOT in the book!

Hug a mom today! She’s doing it for them, but she’s also doing it for you! Her little guys will be in charge when we’re hobbling around. I say we cheer these moms who say, “Be kind to the little guy, the old folks, the kids who feel alone or misunderstood.” We’ll fit one or more of these descriptions all too soon.

YEAH, MOMS! YOU’RE GREAT! WE LOVE YOU! WE’RE PROUD OF YOU!

Let’s tell them so … often!

YOU and ME -- tomorrow!

This morning I had a long talk with a friend who knows her spouse's days are numbered -- a place where none of us "soon-to-be" seniors want to go.

They have been married 51 years, as of yesterday. They've weathered a decade of cancer scares, changes in culture, the economy, and family. They've seen the "better or worse" of life. They are the YOU and ME of tomorrow!

I lost my mother a few years ago, and for most of that time I've struggled with anger that she neglected her health in those last few years. I'm beginning to view life through her eyes, trying to imagine her fears before the inevitable came to light.

At lunch, two "soon-to-be" seniors escorted their mother to the restroom, then came back to check. Was she aware, embarrassed, grateful?

As I left church three "seasoned" senior ladies left together. I'm glad they have each other! How does solitude feel at this stage? How invaluable are the comfort and care of friends!

This morning my friend echoed her confidence that TODAY is the most important gift anyone has! Today includes freedom, love, and safety. It offers life, hope, and happiness. Tomorrow may or may not include those gifts -- all we have is TODAY!

GOD, help me count the blessings all around me, the big and little, the fleeting and steadfast! Help me skip right over temptations for "stuff" or "ease" and go right to things these seniors know to cherish. May I revel in time with beloveds, whether email, photos, memories, or a prayer! May I be thankful they are alive and free, and not fret that I do not see them often enough. May I be thankful that YOU are, and that you care!

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

Such a big HUG!

For YOU!

How did they do IT!

We had dinner with a good friend and her husband tonight. She turned 60 today! You probably wouldn't know it from the way she lives; she works way too many hours, has overcome 2 major illnesses, is a grandma and a volunteer. She is good and she likes what she does -- but I don't think she knows how to slow down, just yet . . . like most of the rest of us.

Lately I've been mulling this "aging" thing, trying to figure out how to "go with the flow", how to accept the limitations that infringe and interfere with my life! I love the classroom, but find that 3 days a week is my limit! Some nights I sleep like a log; others I lay awake half the night! You don't want to know all my complaints! I get tired of hearing them myself -- but they are still present, slowing me down.

Survival has necessitated this reduced pace. Age isn't my only burden, but when other pressures dissipate, I hope to regain my momentum. Man, I don't look like my mother or grandmother looked, so why should I live like they did? Still the aches are there.....

Us boomers are struggling to age gracefully. We have creams and diets, programs and pills that we're constantly told will keep us young. We look better and enjoy more than people our age seemed to enjoy 30 and 40 years ago.  Our generation has long declared we will live forever. We're struggling to defy age, but it's a losing battle; Ponce deLeon never did find that fountain of youth.

Loneliness is one of our nagging fears. Parents tell us fewer and fewer of their peers are alive. We watch our parents sit alone while we run with grand- and great-grandkids. We don't want to be alone like they are.

Pain is another fear. Pain means I should acknowledge limitations -- but not until I absolutely must! Modern medicine has pills for everything, but pills have side effects, and discomfort on yet another level. Is there no escape!

One day during in my loneliness I suddenly remembered a verse from the Bible: "In quietness and confidence [will be] your strength" from the OT book of Isaiah. I'm no Isaiah scholar, but I do have frequent flashbacks from many years listening to my dad preach. I began thinking of the soundness in that verse. Our culture spends way too little time in quietness, and most of us long for the renewal from time to ponder, reason, and just rest. Oooooo -- strength?

I began to wonder if there is something I can gain from all this "opportunity". Some "strength"! What if I learn to COPE, and become a role model for my friends, my kids, for anyone who will have to face what none of us want? I've also found free time to help people I care about, that a full-time job would not have permitted.   I can spend more time reading, chatting, thinking, etc. and build new strength to cope with my losses and disappointment, finding new rhythm.

Few people are said to "age gracefully" these days. Wherever you find yourself, whether almost 30, 60, or  90, you have something to give and someone else wants to receive!

Live on!

The Joy of Sacrifice

Most parents remember the excitement of babies learning to shake a rattle, clap -- or walk! A child is so proud when he or she masters the balancing act and can forge ahead, draw a laugh, or entice a chase.

It's still cute when he or she thinks the discovery his own, when he follows your lead to share , or investigates at your prompting.

Then we HOPE that he will make friends, and we smile at our ingenious plots for "perfect" playmates.

In youth when an idea bombs, and mom or dad is blamed, we might have helped but often not.

In young adulthood, their own choices often hurt our children, especially if they suggest we should have made life easier. "You didn't have to do that, MOM!" Sometimes it's one more lesson for mom or dad, but sometimes it's time to take responsibility for intense pain. Divorce, financial pressure, sickness without good insurance. Life is tough, and we can't protect them anymore.

This week I again dealt with gratitude in discomfort. I want gratitude to be clearly seen in my life. But I've had struggles this week, and the reminders to go with.

Monday night I was sitting in SEA-TAC airport on a 6 hr wait between flights, after a 3-day cross-country jaunt and back, spent and frustrated at the inconvenience. Three hours in, a pleasant Vietnamese gentleman and wife arrived and he asked how I was. His gentle smile was inviting, so I sought his story. He had been a young military strategist during the Viet Nam war, escaping with wife and children to the US in 1975. Repeatedly he shared gratitude to be alive in the US. -- I had been continually complaining about my trivial inconvenience! He had joy in his sacrifice.

Two nights ago I was tired and frustrated with a computer re-format. Formats are uncomplicated but lengthy. Clicking, re-clicking, and waiting. The choice was made, but I was sullen with regret.

Twice in five days I was reminded hard times shouldn't be wasted; both times I flopped. I'm glad I was reminded.

Twice I was motivated to reach higher.
To learn from the moment.
To just savor the joy.
To accept the sacrifice.

I'm trying, with God's help!

What if my greatest disappointments.....

I happened onto a new song a few days ago that seems to be tying my whole life together. The book I am reading, the Japanese tsunami, the midnight headaches, an aging father with gratitude for each day’s sunshine. My perspective is changing. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ, Blessings, by Laura Story)

Volume 2 of my current book series describes the look of a leper. Ugh! Worse--Scary! Ghoulish! Not to mention the abandonment of these forsaken outcasts. Leprosy is uncommon nowadays, but till the advent and understanding of hygiene and modern health standards, it was the most dreaded life condition, regardless of political unrest, weather disaster, or even familial upheaval. Undetected and untreated, leprosy begins as scaly sores that become crusty sites, consuming a victim’s flesh. The disease shrivels and sends ooze from fingers, ears, eye sockets or any other nerve center, killing nerve endings and robbing captives of sensitivity in the affected areas.

The ability to feel pain is not just beneficial from the health standpoint; pain has blessing even for the soul. If I don’t know something is broken, how will I fix it? If I don’t know I am sick, how will I get medical help? If I don’t compare bad days to good, how will I be grateful? How will I gauge what healthy condition, or financial level, to which I should return?

There is more to the lesson than comparison. There is strength in seeking joy! What sunshine is there, in the darkness of my darkest days?!

The author of my book describes the leper camp rejoicing in hope! (oh, really!) They celebrated a child born to a dying mother, gazing raptly on life in its unblemished form! They enjoyed the beauty of a day, and the joy of friendship! They knew lifelong loyalty among those with whom they lived. At great price they learned to value what they may have otherwise never known.

Early this week I had a wonderful experience – and paid a high price. It was worth the sacrifice! My weekend had been too, too busy, and by Monday morning, I needed a day of solitude and rest. Al contraire, I received a 6:30 AM call to sub a challenging class. I accepted it, knowing I needed more strength and wisdom than were in my reserve. I prayed for strength and wisdom, in the shower, on the road, through my breakfast, and as I walked to the room. This school day was the most exciting I have known all year. A teacher remembers why he or she chose to teach when kids engage, when class time becomes more exciting than taunting each other, and when they seem to understand the lesson. I admire the regular teacher of this class because of his amazing patience. This day I envied him. Things were clicking, and they were responding. Regardless what happened tomorrow, this day was a joy.

But at the end of the day, in the middle of the night, I awoke with my neck throbbing, the reminder of my rest-lacking weekend. Grabbing a cold pack from the freezer, and Excedrin from the cabinet, I dozed lightly till dawn. The headache followed me through the next day and even into a second night, but I couldn’t forget the good day at school. Relief was my first choice, but the thrilling day was worth the awful night!

Should I be subject to the least or the greatest of my dreads, I want to always find joy! If the joy can calm me now, perhaps it will “ooze” onto others who are missing refreshing breezes. I’d rather have my problems than yours! Ha! But today I am thankful to be alive!

Worth It?

If you received a special thank you like this, after driving 8 tense hours down and (another 8)back, time and again, in rain, fog, snow and slush, just wishing it was 3 instead of 8 hours -- wouldn't you also think it was entirely WORTH IT?!

Life Application

Learning is all about applying what you have heard or read. "Putting feet" to what you believe, as someone has said. Last Sunday I was privileged to listen to an "older" friend share about his life, the struggles in his wife's illness, and the opps he has to help people. He is thrilled to be friends with God, but his life is not easy.

This week I’ve noted several friends suffering. Sometimes a pot of soup helps, other times just prayer. Close friends I know have experienced loss, illness, personal tragedy, and even the unexplained.

Christ prayed passionately for his close friends, but he also walked with them through their struggles (like anger, death, business loss, injustice, illness). When he talked to God, he didn't ask that they (or we) be rescued from stress, but he offers his Presence, and Strength, and Wisdom, and wants us to try to do the same for others.

I hope you've been encouraged as you help a friend. It could be as intimate as checking all week on a sick co-worker, or even contributing disaster relief to the Japan Tsunami. We KNOW we need each other. Let's not foget it in our busyness.

Too Much Quiet

I spent the last two weeks with my girls, first in Nampa, then in Hillsboro. Great times! Just hanging out, watching late night TV, playing w grandkids, stringing beads, making earrings, eating in, and eating out--and enjoying sons-in-law as well.

The best part is getting to know my kids as adults. Seeing what they value, and how they live what they say they value. They are authentic, sincere, caring, patient. All of them. And they are not mats but models, for the rest of their families. They are growing, blooming, learning, sharing, seeking.

But sO good to get home to my mate, my good, good friend! I drove 5 hrs w only one 10 min break last Sunday. Weather wasn't worst imaginable, but far from the best. My greatest strain was the dark. My long distance vision in the dark is not what it used to be.

I'm home again, tired but catching up; thinking all this quiet is probably good for renewal. Yesterday morning a phrase from a Bible verse kept passing through my brain. "Your strength is in quietness and confidence." So I looked it up, read a lot that was before and after that part so I'd get more of a picture.

It was what I'd thought. Yuck. The quiet times have a purpose. Not just for falling asleep, or watching TV, or loosing oneself reading books or magazines. We can and should garner personal growth from the quiet times. The activities and noise of the not-quiet often keep us from really looking inward, but the quiet makes us--allows us--to do that.

First insight: I want to learn to be content wherever I am, under whatever conditions. If I don't make a decision to reach for that, I'll go crazy. God will help me all I want (not to say he will make it pure joy), but better that I set that goal now than be suddenly faced with walls of darkness that I had always fought.

Second insight: Everything will work out for the best. My quiet, my renewal, opps to connect with friends in-town and out, calls to aging parents, visits to aging friends. Seemingly too much quiet, but something I will find a way to use.

I hope you have the quiet you need, but even more, I hope you will accept what you don't have, knowing it has its season, its purpose. Everything is temporary -- at least on this side.

Enjoy the acceptance! Blessings!

New Grandma's Favorites

We have been with the grandkids this week. Quote of the week:

"Grandma, I take good care of my things. I just can't find them."

Second favorite:

Ian: "I spy something with my little eye, and the color of it is gray. And it is on someone's ear, and that someone is a grandma. What is it?"

Luke: "A germ."

(Where he got that, we'll never know, but he did mean to be funny. Dry humor. Must have got that gene from his Papa! :o)

Delayed Gratification

Fall was difficult for me this year. I was exhausted from a busy year of remodeling, change, and travel. I wanted and needed the emotional connection I get from subbing experiences, but I also felt reticent to take paying jobs that co-workers needed more than I did. I still wanted to teach, but decided to go to the bottom of the list.

So calls were few, or at least far between. It was a long dry period. What should have been a productive time at home turned into loneliness and isolation. Larry and I were still traveling -- four trips in two months -- but short connections on the road couldn't make up for friends I missed.

By the start of the new year, I became determined to get out, even if it was totally on a volunteer basis, and made arrangements to volunteer three days a week. "I'll do special projects, help in classrooms, or just observe...." I'd told the staff, "as long as it's ok that I come to the school." I was welcomed, and projects long overlooked were pulled from the bottom of the stack. I like detail work, and I like organizing. These were great solutions for my boredom.

Then the principal asked if I'd be willing to help an ESL staff member who was struggling to pass a test she needed in her work. "Of course, I'd love to!" I responded, and we immediately began meeting with Lupe after school, 3-4 PM, the three days/week I was at school. Many of those days Lupe worked with a special needs student much of the day; we studied together for an hour; then she rushed home to prepare a quick supper before returning for another 2 1/2 hours of evening childcare during the school's parent assistance programs. She worked hard, days, evenings, weekends. We became very tight friends, she very grateful for someone helping her decipher what to study, and me glad for an outlet for my "teaching" itch. I felt a purpose realized once again, and a gift given and received. Word got around about Lupe's diligent efforts, and this much loved teacher was admired again for her tenacity.

The test was today. Lupe was ready. She has gained incredible understanding of English and math in the five short weeks we've worked, and I was convinced she could easily bridge the 17 points needed to pass. I actually anticipated a 30 point climb beyond all her previous scores.

But the unexpected happened. Murphy's law? How often does injustice come to the most deserving? Too many. But how many times does the eager champion smile and say, "It's OK"? I was humbled.

Lupe had planned to arrive a little early, and was mentally and physically ready for the test. One other woman was also scheduled for the test today. She was insecure, and continually interrupted Lupe's concentration, asking Qs about the test, the restroom, and general chatter. It threw off Lupe's rhythm. She improved her score, but only gained 11 of the 17 points she needed. We were both disappointed.

Lupe told me a test proctor told her that when she next re-takes the test, if anyone else is testing, the proctor will take Lupe and the laptop into another room, to test in private. Someone else witnessed the injustice.

Why could Lupe not have received her prize today? With all her co-workers cheering and several helping her study, why could have Providence not seen fit to reward her diligence?

I think Lupe is known among the angels as an earthly saint who can be counted on to bear a cross for another. She is a very sweet spirit who communicates with intensely needy children, and can comfort and direct them, yet also care for family, co-workers, and other adults.

I was not the giver, in this story. I was the receiver. I received much more gratitude than I deserved, and also a lesson -- that I also deserved. Lupe achieved an amazing accomplishment! The greatest accomplishment was her sweet spirit, happiness regardless of the outcome! She realized this other lady, working toward the same goal, needed her kindness and patience -- and she put that ahead of her own satisfaction. She sacrificed. I did not. I was rewarded. So how many rewards were really given?