Last week was good

... but sometimes I don't see that till I step back.

Last week was busy. What week isn't? I started off the week with a teaching assignment on Monday that I received at 8:25 AM. I had one half hour to shower, dry, and get to the school. It turned out to be a good day -- I enjoyed the kids, Spec Ed even -- but it was draining. I had an evening headache, took tylenol and two cokes about 8 pm -- and didn't get to sleep till 3 am. Not good.

Tuesday I vegged. Really didn't get much accomplished at home. I find that my motivation level is minimal at home with the ongoing mess of the remodeling. The mess frustrates me, but even after I work on it, there still seems to be so much (mess) that I feel like "why try!" I don't think I'm made for this kind of living, ongoing.

Dear Daughter was my re-direction and inspiration, reminding me to rely on God. I was so tizzied, I didn't know how to pray, but I began praying, "God, help me know how to respond!" We have more difficulty with communication than usual at stress times, and it took several efforts, but we bridged that river together! and worked together on ideas the rest of the week.

I taught Wednesday and Friday as well, and had a good time with the kids. Wednesday was pre-school, and those cuties are easy, almost too easy. I like a little more challenge. Friday was middle schoolers, and were they EVER a challenge! I couldn't be mean with them, because I liked them, but I didn't like their high buzz level. (They had finished several days of testing.) We made it through, and I had some fun memories. With one kid I was able to share my story of going to school with a current state university coach, and asked him, "Can you see yourself coaching football someday?" "Uh, YES!" he answered. "This is why you need math!" He understood. Then at supper we encountered one of the boys in the wildest class of the day; I said hi, and he said, "... remember Gabriel's broken leg today?!" Ha! Yes, it was wild. No broken leg, but a faked one. These middle schoolers are all about entertaining, or confusing, one another or the teacher, especially a substitute. I told teachers in the lunch room that I felt like shark bait. But good memories!

Saturday came and went without seeming to accomplish a lot, but Larry and I did resolve a step on our flooring project. Now we are waiting to borrow a saw to cut ceramic ..... Life is all about waiting, isn't it? Waiting on someone else to grow up, or on ourselves to understand (which is actually our own growing up...).

And Sunday was a fun day talking online to grandkids! Ian's bedtime prayer included, "Yeah, Jesus!" because he'd learned "YEAH!" was what people said when they threw down the palm branches -- so why not say it to Jesus again!!! And Luke, when Mama was talking to Ian, kept saying, "... my gamma, my gamma, my gamma, my gamma..." the way kids do when you don't answer them immmediately. We also had a fun half hour playing with friends' little guy who needed a nap while they went to softball practice -- and we played grandparents-babysitting for them for a while. Papa Larry loves these boy toys!

Life is good, but I am sometimes so tired I feel rather than think. I felt frustrated, and wanted that known. I'm sorry. (sad face!) Sleep is really important to me anymore. When I was young, I resented having to stop for it; now I have to give up things I want to get it.

I thank God for my Larry. I frustrate him as much as he frustrates me, or so he says. (smile!) He loves a card I bought him that shows a little girl with her eyes crossed to show her frustration. It says, "Of all the people who frustrate me, I love you the most." But I want my love for him to show, more than frustration.

God, help me see all Your Good in today. And help me LOOK for it!

Today I got an 8:25 AM call that a teacher came to work but wasn't feeling well. I had been laying in bed reading, but jumped up, took a 5 minute shower, dried body and hair, grabbed an outfit, and made it into the middle school office within 35 minutes. The poor teacher looked miserable, so I was eager to do anything I could to let her leave asap.

The kids were spec ed. Far from non functional, mostly hispanic, but several with apparent psychological or physiological needs. It went OK. It actually went very well. The para left me with gracious words by the end of the day.

By the last period, the activity the teacher planned for me to use in most classes had already been done on the class present. So we read a little, then took turns on computer, and talked. One cute hispanic girl responded when I asked questions about herself and her family. We were interrupted several times, but when the interruption passed, she went on, "... so my mom did (this or that), or my sister....." Another boy had just been in the US for 3 months but was doing daily practice on words and sounds, with dictation, spelling, and reading. He had excellent comprehension and speech for only 3 months of English.

I probably won't get back there again, even tho the para said she'd recommend me. I did enjoy the class. This has become a part of life where I accept that my job was to pass through and plant some seeds, then pray for the process someone else will watch mature. I don't worry about how they handle it anymore. There are lots of good teachers doing their best, and being very effective. We have an excellent system in WA; I wish mykids' systems were as supportive. I pray for the kids I saw today, kids I'll see on Friday when I sub a math class I've done about 3 times, pray I'll be up to it, not be short or blind to what "games" they try or what they really can teach me.

My greatest lesson in this time is that it isn't about me. Tonight I am awake at 3 am -- haven't made the snooze yet. Who knows why? So tomorrow will be pretty fruitless. But the next day I have a call for working pre-school, so I'll need to sleep tomorrow. But what I do is about the footprints I leave, not the name or a post. I am one nail in the structure they are becoming. Each nail counts, and I want to do my best, that the rungs hung on my watch are strong and hung with confidence.

Life is good at 54, just a little different. I wait patiently till I can see grandkids a few times a week, watch them play in the sand, come run to me, or just smile when I come out to watch their play. This is my "something in the meantime", loving kids here till I can love kids there. It will all fit together in the big puzzle.

The floor moves along 2-3 feet per day. It looks beautiful! Like it was always meant to be there. I need to start visiting Lowe's and Home Depot looking for connecting tiles to put around the fireplace tiles, new registers, bathroom fixtures, etc. I also need to pack away the dishes he took out of the buffet, and the books and dishes in the cupboards we will remove above the peninsula. Friday night we had dinner with Joel and Debbie and now want a packed away book to loan them. WOW! I get so impatient with transition.

But as I sat and thought during Communion yesterday morning, Pastor's words took me into thoughts of serving the people around us. Who should I be serving any more than my husband? I know what he most needs: the grace to enjoy this project. He really is enjoying constructing it and watching it come together beautifully. He is an excellent workman. Just couldn't do it for a living because he wants it to be perfect. But in his (temporary) castle, he can take his time. In the next castle we'll likewise choose projects he can do slowly, and contract out projects Mama needs done more quickly.

Bill came by this morning to talk about raising our kitchen ceiling, and having higher cabinets. I can't imagine the cabinets, but I can imagine the lighting being higher and not on my back. I'm so eager! Too many times I am disappointed when a project is completed, because I allowed my expectations to swing too high with my excitement. I can't imagine being disappointed with this! I've never had a new house -- this will at least be part of a new house! The living floor is beginning to look like a new house. I'm grateful, and looking forward to having a new house in Nampa. Nonetheless, I'd rather be in Nampa with the kids and not have a new house than continue to live 8 hours away!!!

God, thank you for dreams, of new floors and chocolate rivers, and of some realization. But thank you also for the security that my life is not dependent on the people or things that give me this joy. YOU give me stability, no matter if the rivers or the money disappear, or the joints can't lay the floors --or whatever disappointments come. Someone said, 'joy is not in things, it is in us.' I need to pledge myself on the good days, to pick up that focus on the bad days.

Home again, we are back to our projects -- well, the first in the series!

A Memory with great-grandpas

Both sets of great-grandparents (and the grandparents as well) were thrilled the generations could meet. We're so grateful for their modeling as well as love and support!

WOW! Our long-planned trip has come and gone! We're exhausted, but left with memories worth the time and struggle. Like great-grandparents playing with babies, aunts and uncles experiencing the grandparent heart tugs, celebrating my dad's 86th birthday, and sitting through church at my dad's, all so he could be the proud patriarch showing 20 of his clan.

We arrived safely and began work immediately on the deck at Jenny and Jon's. Little Paul, now 13 weeks, is really fun. I wonder if he's adapted to not being held since we left -- he loved talking and cooing, all the time. Such an EASY going baby!! And Emily was busy, busy, busy, not unlike her mother. Within 20 minutes of Joy's arrival with Luke, Emily was taking Luke to the potty -- and he did it! They had great fun together!

Lora and Andrew arrived at Jenny and Jon's at a very good time. Lora was all round support and an extra watchful eye, and Andrew brought both construction and managerial skills. Jon learned one week before the trip that instead of the week off work to build the deck, he would have to be in class. He worked HARD every moment he was off, had much more grunt for digging postholes than one good looking Grandpa I know (Larry!), and was a pleasure for Larry to work with. Larry, Andrew and Jon worked together two days, and Larry and Jon for more. We left with the deck sufficiently together that Jon could finish.

Easter Sunday we were all in Ohio at Grandpa Duncan's. All five sisters and families (with exception of one brother-in-law who had to work, Jenny's family of four, and Joy's Jer and son Ian) were there to celebrate. THANKS, Sisters, for coming! We had Lois' good pork roast(s) (Lois loves recipes!), Christie's beautiful cake, and Sarah and Esther's extras. Sarah's Ann did an elaborate show of decorating cookies! Luke played with everyone (as long as Mama or Gramma or Papa were close by). He was a hoot and a hit, and everyone helped watch him on the steps! but washed out by 5, Gramma Linda and Gr Duncan too! We 3 hid upstairs. Such fun, so good to hear all the laughter, good for me and for Daddy.

At Gr and Gr Pusey we had a bed and even ROOM to ourselves! So all of us had at least 2 good nights' sleep on this trip. Luke had congestion, so heavy breathing, and I snore badly if not using my CPAP. Separate rooms and time alone with the Pusey grandparents were such a blessing. Luke loved playing with Grandpa (Paul) Pusey, and Grandpa loved it too. He loves soft textures, and faded into their fur carpet quickly. Grandma Lucy always has her sticky pecan rolls on hand, and we made good work of them.

Our trip home had one good flight and one bad one. Joy had told me that Luke didn't travel well. On the first flight (3 hrs), Luke played hard in her lap for 2 1/2 hrs, till we had to turn off the DVD player for the descent. That was the beginning of a very unhappy time (UNDERSTATEMENT!!!) but we did land in one piece. Right before boarding for the next flight, Luke fell asleep on my shoulder (aaahhhhh!!!) and slept for an hour plus. When he awoke, we did everything imaginable to keep him happy, including playing a game with M&Ms as we descended. With about 20 M&Ms in his belly, he finally sat in Mama's lap, looking like "what's happening?" Joy was even a little scared at his quiet. Thank God for a better flight!

After arriving at Joy's, Larry and I had planned to go to Olive Garden (which WE don't have in our town!), watch a dvd and go to sleep. When stopping at Walmart, Ian spied us in the parking lot, and began screaming, "I see my Gramma and my Papa!" We assured him we'd see him at home, and there watched "Night at the Museum" for about 30 minutes as he gave us a minute by minute narrative, as do kids -- big or little -- who've watched a movie a hundred times. SO CUTE! So fun. So great to be loved, both for him and for us. Luke was already asleep, and as soon as Ian went to bed, we did too!

BACK HOME! Oh, thank God for all we have, even if we've plywood floors and stairs while we await the flooring installation. Thank God for good job to go back to, and a day to rest before jumping back in. Thank God for 3 sweet daughters who appreciated the trip and told us over and over, 3 dedicated sons-in-law to whom we feel even closer and admire more, and 4 healthy grandkids. Thank God also for the health of our parents!!!

I'm glad for a few days rest, but I'm eager to sub again soon. At Joann Fabrics a few days ago, a little guy came up to me as I was perusing the aisles. "Hi," he drawled. I looked up and hugged him, not remembering which class he was in, nor his name. "What's your name?" he asked me, and I told him. "And what's your name? I don't remember which class you are in." He told me, and I let him know I'd be teaching his class later this month. That meant so much. A kid who couldn't even remember my name, remembered that I had loved him.

As Joy said on her blog, I want to help, teach, guide, assist, all I can in this life. I want to grow old so I can keep praying for my family, and everyone I can encourage or love. But as Joy has learned, and my Daddy said when I was just a young adult, "they won't remember what you teach them half as much as that you loved them."

Life is hard. Life is good. God help me slow down so I can keep at it longer!