In the Morning!

Lots more life has happened since March 9 -- last post. I've accepted a position at church for which I feel almost completely unqualified -- apart from the memory that God once fed 5000 people with a few loaves and fishes. I feel like a flopping fish right now -- or a wet noodle -- or something lame like that. :) Example? Last weekend I kept our daughter waiting for 2 hours because I was trying to start her car with the wrong key.

I also have a month packed with travel and intensity. I feel caught between what I'd like to be -- strong and wise and sufficient and admirable -- and what I really am -- needy and weak and tired and often wimpy.

My latest reads are re-reads from the time of David and Solomon. Somehow God seems to reach me best through biblical historical fiction. I re-read one book about Solomon and the Shunamite girl he loved when he wrote the Song of Solomon, and today completed a book about Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. Each book piques my interest as to what scripture records. The authors always list all other historical references they've used in composing the narratives.

As I was thumbing for add'l details about Solomon, I crossed the end of I Kings, where David as KING is asking a peasant if he can buy his threshing floor. The villager replies that the King can have it for nothing. But David realized (an "easy" or free gift) wouldn't fit the soul of what he wanted to offer God, a submissive and sacrificial heart that was willing to accept God's leading, understood or not understood, whether it was lessons or chastisement. He said, "I cannot offer (to God) that which costs me nothing."

That needs to be my attitude. I have been wanting to offer service on my terms: "ok, God, I'll work hard, accept disappointment, exhaustion, etc, up to a point. Beyond that, how can you! Don't you realize I'm wiped out?" I've forgotten that He wants to be my God Provider, I think it's the Jehovah Jireh. What God will provide is beyond my vision, even beyond my imagination. Thus I, like David, cannot offer to God my submission when it is only what I think I can do. I must be willing to make a costly sacrifice, not only because He deserves it, but also so that He can broaden my vision of who HE IS!

A son-in-law's musings on his races and training keep me examining my soul. Today he says the praise of Sunday came from a heart acknowledging his human weakness. That is a blessing.

I watched an amazing young teacher direct and redirect 22 students last week, and saw her doing what she was created to be. That is a blessing.

I watched another young couple bless one another in their individual stressed lives. They are accepting and affirming one another -- understanding or not. That is a blessing.

I watched a stranger direct communication in a meeting yesterday -- where I'd questioned the possibility of communication. This stranger is fast becoming a good friend. That is a blessing.

My husband did three errands we meant to do together last night -- while I was on an important call. He had only agreed to do errands with me, but was now offering to complete them alone -- out of love. What a blessing!

Lots of stones on the road that can get in my shoes. The little pebbles will help keep down the dust, if I remember to be thankful for them.

One of the Psalms says, "...weeping only lasts for a night... but joy comes in the morning...."

There WILL be a morning.