An AMAZING Breakthrough!

We're starting to see where the end of the upstairs remodel will be, though we can't yet give it a date. Back bedroom ceilings are now scraped and getting primer, awaiting texturing, then paint, paint, paint. But that is good! I can do paint! Larry will do floor in one room while I paint the other.

Still ongoing has been the debate about whether to make the front room back into two ...... like other houses on the street ...... which (he thinks) might make it sell better ...... but I thought would make a return to teensy rooms....................

And then it came out. Why hadn't it come out sooner? Why did it take words that made no sense, that reflected what seemed to me a contradiction to behavior I've observed for 31 years? Why did he tell me that NOW he didn't want to let go of the desk which he's always told me was too big, he didn't want to work at, I could use because he preferred a roll top desk? Why did he now say, "Can't I do with my stuff what I want?"

I'd missed what I've so often told others to look for! The hidden meaning behind the words. The itch that he couldn't even identify.

That desk signified something (long ago) given to HIM. Something he shouldn't have to share. Located in a place where he could find identity, despite what "mess" might be in the rest of the house.

His office.

We've never had space for an office before. With three girls and my many projects, we've used every bit of space we've had. But the girls have been gone for years! Why did it come out now?

I think Larry pushed for those teensy rooms with subconscious hope that he might get space to put "his" things, his books, his laptop, his momentos -- not much, but whatever he wanted. Just his own personal space.

He's not sleeping well again, awake about 2:30 or 3 for the last two nights. I hate that. When I awoke at 4:40 this morning and found him up, I went out to ask what was keeping him awake. I told him that I'd be happy to put up a wall if he wanted the room for an office. No sirens, bells or whistles then, but he told me after lunch that he struggled to get back to sleep after that because of excitement over actually having his OWN ROOM! Not a room for sleeping, mind you. Probably not for using much except when he first gets up and has his quiet time in the morning.

I've fought putting in that wall for a year. In my mind no one would rather have small rooms when they can have a big one. HE would rather have a teensy corner -- to call his own.

Lord, help me remember, again, to listen to the unsaid.