The Best Things!

It's my birthday today! Hmmmm .... what do I want?

A husband whose first words at 6 am are "happy birthday, dear" ...........

Text from a friend .............

Text from a sister ............

Call from my dad .............

6 AM text from a daughter .............

10 AM note from another daughter ..............

Yesterday's early wishes from still another daughter .............

Coffee with another friend ...........

A list of FB wishes to check and read !!!!!!!!!!!!!

What more could anyone wish for?????????????

Time with each one to just watch their faces, enjoy their joy, their love, their zest for life!

I'll continue to relish, and be thankful, and keep that time for days! No @($% or !!!! or **** can tell the thrill of sharing love. It's deep and sweet, confusing or clear, but solid and assuring.

What a wonderful time to be alive! To count each day as a gift, not only from the Giver, but from each one who shares him- or herself with me!

No better gift .......................

In the Meantime

Just read the blog of one of my children ... saw some new pics of grandkids ... felt some warm tears .........

Life has been very hectic lately. I've felt more stable in the past 2 months than in the past 2 years, partially from staying home, working on overdue projects ... working, working, working.

I know life is as it should be. I'm growing and learning. Listened to my husband chatter with excitement describing his awe at what only God could have orchestrated in his work. Felt some warm tears there too.

Read as my daughter explained how God is building her and her faith, and her joy in the process.

Heard another daughter expound thoughts and feelings about the growth and development of her family.

Am anticipating as the third offspring is waiting, in the doorway of a life-lesson. I'm not the teacher, so I don't know the lesson plan. I do know the Teacher, and I know he is Good.

Lots of waiting. I want to be with them. Hear their thoughts, watch their growth. They are too busy living to give constant reports, and living is about the process, not the reporting.

So I am doing something else in the meantime. And it is good!

I'm watching personal friendships become instruments of my own faith, tools in my own development, lessons in listening and waiting.

I'm appreciating the hope of the second chance, the next sunrise, the rest at day's end.

Think I'm learning the value of waiting! And the unexpected joy!

The Prize or the Price

OK, picture this!

Twenty squirmy-wormy, squiggly-wiggly kinder-bodies, slithering across the gym floor, all hunters on a 15-minute safari .... that was supposed to have been PE class..............

Lesson plans weren't working. Half of the class was either pouting, crying, pushing or bouncing, and the other half would very soon be lost .

I went for follow-the-leader. These little guys are so green! I never know if they understand English, and I forget their names from one week to the next. But with follow-the-leader, it's mostly the same kids that continually need to be re-aligned ... and easier to remember 5 names than all 20.

We started out as whinnying horses ... then headed back to the "group space" watering hole.

Next we became trumping elephants ... and regrouped at the watering hole.

Then we were leaf-eating giraffes, and roaring lions!

And finally the hunters ... stalking the prey ... with just a few minutes till we needed to line up..........

Mission met! Task accomplished! Safari a win!

Yes, I was leading the tromps through the "jungles" along the basketball lines! I was trumping, and roaring, and they were following! And when we became the hunters, one little guy fell to his belly, with a "this is how they do it!", and everyone else dropped .... except the Teacher-Grandma, who crouched on two legs, "glistening" with exertion.

That was the prize! Price? I was wiped out ..... till I got my diet coke!

The Busyness of Slowing Down

Still crisp mornings but no frost yet for a while. I harvested my herbs Saturday, and now have intense concentrated smells in different places in the house. Chives on the dining room table, oregano hanging from a pole downstairs -- and parsley still waiting to be cut. Basil holds its aroma till it is crushed. Ummmmm.

More TTD today than I can touch, let alone finish, so I want to be smart about what should be first, and so on. The best thing for me first, is to think about the list, think about others, and talk to the Big Guy about all I care about that I can and can't affect today.

You may be on my latter list. Those I can't touch but I care about. I think about people on that list as I make my applesauce, put away my fabrics, fold laundry, or even spread my mulch.

You are important because I've been where you are and know the stress of caring but being too stretched.

You are important and I care for you.

But the One I talk to cares much more, and knows how to help.

Hope you have a great day, a wondrous fall, knowing that those who aren't close by wish they could be, and wish they could help, and are always pulling for you.

May the God of Peace give you strength and joy as you carry your load, and the assurance of his constant presence and care.

Slowing Down

I love this time of year, when it's crisp in the mornings, warming in the afternoons. School starts from my childhood always involved wearing a jacket in the morning, and carrying it home.

I like the change of pace that fall brings. It seems summers are becoming more of a flurry rather than the kick-back time they used to be. We hurry-up-and-have-fun and then have to rest from our recreation. :o) Where's the fun in all that?

But I'm also tired of the hand watering of my flowers. These past three weeks I've been painting and sanding, packing and unpacking, installing and shortening -- to bring the basement face-lift to an end.

I've neglected my flowers, checking for limp or dead parts as I run out for a sprig of basil at suppertime. 'Ooo, a little soft, but I don't have time now....' and I toss my concerns to the wind.

But the last few nights I've noticed a bud emerging in the rose pot on the table. Little by little, it's surviving my neglect and becoming beauty on its own -- or at least without me.

Hmmmmm ..... without me ........... Hmmmmm ...... Life !

My Thing-To-Do

I feel like my thoughts of these past months aren’t worth sharing. No deep insight. No mountain top ecstasy. But as I read “where I’m at” thoughts of others, I am encouraged, affirmed, and just blessed and loved, to be included in their sharing. So……

Life lately has seemed such a list of to-do things. Not that they aren’t meaningful, or fulfilling, but too fast, too many, too overwhelming. Sometimes I actually have a moment of “how did I get here?” and would credit that to “senior moments” except that I remember having those thoughts and being scared when I was just a busy young parent. A few moments ago I read a devotional that that spoke of faith in God. It described faith as a continual choice. It’s not just daily – sometimes it’s minute by minute. Faith is making a decision to go on believing that God has my best interest at heart and is working all things for my good. But not just for my good; for the best of everyone I love, whether heartsick or ill, in financial or spiritual crisis, nearby or far away, with similar struggles or challenges I can’t imagine. No one I know has wisdom to handle all that! Faith in God is the only hope!

Larry just returned from a trip overseas. I didn’t accompany him because multiple challenges made it seem a bad choice for me to go, but I continued to grieve the loss of opportunity. I stayed home and worked on the house. A couple of the workmen who came that week were interesting specimens, one believing in God, but scared to believe in people, and the other choosing “the straight and narrow” because “it’s the only way to live.” Both had backgrounds in “ethics” or religion, but both are very cautious. I’m coming to believe this is just the way of human nature, and we’ll let each other down, no matter which generation it is. Somehow I feel these guys were part of the plan for my not taking this trip. I’m not yet quite sure how – and I am not sure whether I will understand or not. More and more, I’m convinced that my focus in life MUST be obedience to God, to the thoughts he puts before me. Like laying in bed this morning thinking about all the people I care about and want to help – and then remembering the one I’m most frustrated with. God reminded me I can’t ask for mercy and then refuse to give it. And as I see another dear friend struggling with unexplainable trauma, my obedience must be trust in God – alone! – and not trying to fix or counsel. Such a distant act of caring, I’m tempted to think, but no, it’s the obedience I’m called to give. My obedience must be to Christ. Obedience to Christ FIRST leaves the door open for me to SAY yes, then rush to find what others would have me to DO; obedience to Christ ALONE means I will wait for and be satisfied with what he directs.

So as I want to find peace and joy, I’m learning to DECIDE to have this faith each day. Not just faith that he made the mountains or the galaxies, but that he has a plan for every moment of every life. Whew! That he has a plan for every moment of suffering? Every moment of uncertainty? Every moment of obedience or DISobedience? YES! He alone is God. I am called only to follow him, not always understand his ways. I’m not talking about mystical enlightenment. Rather just doing what I know that I know that I know. Repent, forgive, listen, give, wait. It’s so simple, it’s scary. No hiding. If I know it, I must obey it.

So I choose to rejoice today in the “desert roses” I see, what I have rather than what I don’t have. When I get angry or feel defeated, I’ll once again ask him to help me have the heart he wants to use. Please God, take this very little faith and make it what you want. This is my act of obedience.

The Things We Do For Love

Remember the old song of the '70s? ".... like walking in the rain and the snow, when there's no place to go, and ya feel like a part of you is dying....."




Actually nothing is dying here! We're planting a LOT! THAT is part of "the things we do for love". Larry actually is involved ONLY for love because -- it turns out -- he has ended up feeling more overwhelmed by my efforts to relieve some of his stress.




A friend has been helping me with some backed-up yard work that Larry hasn't had time for because of the stresses of his work. I just wanted to help him out! So she and I planted and organized and rearranged, all with the intent of making it nice, having a great time doing it together, and hoping for his pleasure in one job he didn't have to do for himself.





He had taken down a monstrous tree that was diseased and dead, all the while grieving that a huge old shade tree would be gone, and it will take tens of years for its shade to be reproduced(...the things you do for love...).

The stump grinder came and spent a good part of an hour grinding this one monstrous stump, at LEAST 36" in diameter. A week later (after company came and went) I shoveled the mulch created from our monster stump into a pile in the center of the yard, after filling all the mobile containers we had, and found one more root the workman hadn't ground -- probably because he knew it was potentially in line with irrigation lines.

I asked Larry to pull out that root -- which he started -- but then we found another root three times its size under the first. The surprises continued all day as he dug and axed and mattoxed in 90 degree heat. Roots were intertwined with all the irrigation we uncovered, making ONE MORE task overwhelming! I stayed outdoors and brought him water while I moved rocks in the shade, most concerned for his work in the heat.

Finally, after breaking three irrigation lines, we were able to quit digging, knowing we had clearance for connecting the breaks. THANK GOD for my man! We bought the irrigation pieces at Lowes, returning home to "the easy part". He spent hours on Monday putting back the lines, then I thought I'd work Tuesday putting back the dirt.

Not so. First, I'm not a shovel girl. The back can't do that kind of work. Second, I hadn't remembered to get the "organic material" he told me we needed to mix in with the sandy soil we have for planting our tree. Today he took the truck and will get compost or organic soil from one of the local nursery supply places.

We'll get there! I'd just not intended to burden him more. We'll be glad, at least, when the tree is in, and then he'll dig me holes for the bushes. I THINK I can take it from there..............

The Secret of the Rose

I'm re-reading a series of books that I first read sometime in the '90s. They are set in WWII Poland where Larry will be traveling for meetings this summer. I'm disappointed it's not working out for me to go along, but there must be a reason......

My book series is titled "Secret of the Rose", and the secret is referenced often throughout the first volume. As expected, the author takes the reader through vivid accounts of fear, fight and flight of both Jews and Christians who were broken-hearted with the destruction of their beloved country. The principle character is a baron who chose and delighted in the land, farming grain crops, reveling in the forests, and especially in nurturing a "garden of life", central to which was a rose garden.

The secret of the rose is that the fragrance is found in the petals, yet the real secret is in how fragrance is released. I'm coming to realize anew that nothing good comes easy, and even the fragrance of the most beautiful gift can't be realized without feeling the thorns of each life-experience as well as the dropping of the petals. As the author explains, petals die and drop so that new life can emerge.

He also explains that the life doesn't come from the rose itself. Life comes from the dirt, the ugly, unwanted, tromped and unappreciated dirt. No plant grows or survives apart from what the dirt gives in nutrition and as a transport of food and water. Our lives likewise cease to flourish if we pull away from what we often think is just the ugly, unappreciated monotony, yet that is what really keeps us going, physically and spiritually.

I want to be thankful for the sustenance I receive, the physical, spiritual and psychological sustenance. Larry gives me a lot of that, and we've had a great week of quiet in a getaway cabin overlooking a river in Northern WA. It's uplifting to see him sleeping peacefully -- past 5 am! It's also fulfilling to see him enjoy pleasure reading -- though how he can sit still hour after hour amazes me! It's blessing to be able to just blurt thoughts and feelings and have him listen. Uh, yeh, he's a good listener when all the events of work and church aren't filling his mind. But I'm grateful.

My spiritual sustance comes from God. I'm also grateful that God not only listens to my heart, I know he KNOWS my heart and is waiting for me to look up and ask for direction. As a parent (or grandparent) sometimes I know it's best to wait for kids to ask for help. God never forces himself on me. Yet when I wait and listen, direction comes (yes, some times more quickly than others).

Enough ramble. I want to remember to be thankful for the process, the hard times, the dirt, even the rain as well as the sunshine. Life is never one thing or another - it is many experiences blended together.

Hope you enjoy your dirt today, even the rain. The rain is a time of rest, remember.

Blessings for beautiful roses!

I Believe in the Rose

Life has been different lately. It's never what we expect, and too often not what we hope for.

A new pastor and family have finally arrived, signaling the end of Larry's overwhelming responsibility as lay leader of our church in the absence of a senior pastor. Other lay leaders as well as interim staff were more than critical -- they each affected our lifes through experiences only God knew would happen. My "endless desert" now looks like a contained learning opportunity, but I often doubted I could last emotionally. Emotions fatigue me, and at the same time they build, stretch, and lift me up. I've had soooooooooooo many experiences I've wanted to run away from these past three years, and slowly I've learned -- once again! -- that it's not about me (DUH!!!).

Some of the "desert roses" God has put in my lives have been temporary, like amazing answers to prayer. Others are new friendships that will last. It's been so FORTIFYING to see those in the next generation who are letting faith in God take them places where they are appalled to go, apart from a faith that God is providing, and goes ahead of them. Watching young adults praise and lead others in praise while they live without the livelihoods they've started out on! Watching young families trust that God will carry them -- and our parent-prayers support them -- till the storms settle! Watching new leaders step eagerly into roles they had previously declined. Watching my own kids thrive, and believe, and survive their own upheavals. Yes, life is about timing, but often not our own timing. God gives us the "roses" we need when we need them, sometimes in money, sometimes in guts, sometimes in courage.

Yesterday I had an experience I've been previously unprepared to tackle. I accepted a sub call, but was told upon my arrival at the school that I was needed in a different slot. The class where I'd be placed was one of kids I'd not yet been able to control when I'd had them in a half-hour PE class on other days when I'd subbed. No question, as first graders they are a handful, and their regular teacher commented once that part of the control is being used to it.

So I smiled, "sure, no problem" and headed for this class. "Lord, I need more than a little extra today....." I prayed as I walked down the hall. I straightened my back, read, reviewed the notes, and did my best to be ready when they came in. We started off with smiles and hugs and "where's our teacher?", but the morning moved along steadily. I started to send them to recess an hour early, but of course a half-dozen of them corrected me -- quick, back to the notes! The day was actually quite successful -- despite a dozen students needing to "pull cards" (the current discipline method in many schools, cards being the method of counting misdemeanors), and by days end I realized I'd actually enjoyed it -- them! -- and my fears were not only gone, they were no longer founded. My strength came from within -- from actually beyond me -- but my Strength showed me how to better utilize my own resources and better utilize the resources of the students.

It's scary to wonder what tests of growth God might have for me in the coming years. Good to know the good times hide what's beyond the next ridge. But also good to know that all the "oases" and "desert roses" God has provided in the past are just promises of more flowers and springs that are still ahead.

And by the way, after walking through "communication issues" Larry and I have been bridging these last few days about our backyard :o), we are working on a beautiful garden to enjoy in the years ahead. Everything from communication to bushes require maintenance, and some of our bushes needed DRASTIC work. Ha! Ha! Lots of work makes for sore muscles but a clean fresh feeling and fragrant results.

I believe in the roses of life. And I've also just recently learned that roses aren't as fragile as were once thought.

Let's keep trudging together. I hope we can share roses, and cross paths often, and continually point one another -- in the times of despair and fear -- to the Source of our Strength!

Blessings for a rose-filled day!

What Blows In -- OR Out -- With the Storms

I guess last night was pretty windy. Not for me. I was deep into la-la-land. Too many days lately w a sideline headache from too late nights and too early mornings. Larry has started bloom time, and I go with him some mornings to count blooms in the orchards in prep for experiments of the day. It's just nice to have him tell me it's nicer having me there ..... though following him row to row if I don't get the gist of what we're doing leaves a little challenge. After yesterday I feel I have a better grasp than I've ever had before, so it makes everything click. I feel left out of his life when I don't know or don't understand what is going on with his work. He may or may not have the energy to listen to what has happened in mine .... especialy when he's baffled. (When I catch him in that zoned-out mode, we're learning to tread sweetly, and joke, and try, try, try again. :O)

Saturday he left about 10 am, and worked till 4 pm. Driving home, he called and told me a couple of disappointments, one being bad news from a friend, the other that the first experiment of the season was a wash. No results to record, this season a flop, on that first experiment. When he needs at least two-year results to write a paper, and Uncle Sam is breathing down his neck for papers, that was pretty bad news. With his work the weather is considered to be the most uncontrolled variable, but they had hoped they were prepped for all other pressure.

We have houseguests presently, and are enjoying watching two young teens live in our crackerbox downstairs. It's not ideal changing schools mid-year, but these guys are hanging tough. It's great hearing their evals of how the day went, what new experience they encountered. They're weathering the storms. Yep, storms aren't just for adults.

So Larry had his storm too. Disappointments in the lab. I asked how he was doing, shortly after he arrived home. "Trying to have a good attitude..." he said. He asked about the kids (parents back in Olympia cleaning carpets in prep for renters), and I suggested that John wanted to go play basketball. Larry immediately shifted his focus to them, off himself .... and life improved.

The problems don't go away, but the focus can change. One niece recently posted on her blog, "see life through the windshield rather than the rearview mirror." Good advice! For us all.

So when the sand blows in my eye, I need to start looking for -- diamonds?

I Know She Loves Me

I spent a great week with grandkids the week before Easter. As he was leaving for his day, our 3-yr-old said to his mom, "I know she loves me...."

All the way home, every time I thought of that statement, I teared up. So simple, so profound -- so true.

But truth is, he's not the only one I love. I want others to know how much I love them.

I love my husband, my daughters, my sons-in-law, many, many, many friends.

I've grouped them, but they are individuals. Unique! Special! Delightful! Precious!

I love people who don't know I care. I want to live a life of love.

Hopefully, they will someday think to themselves -- "I know she loves me!"

What Easter Means to Me!

I didn't hear anyone verbalize specifically what I want to state as MY joy in Easter.

I love the family time, kids finding eggs, adults sneaking candy, a chance to buy extra treats.

I love the joy and excitement in church, memories of the orchids my dad used to buy. He purchased one for mother, and one for each of us five daughters. One Easter I slid on the icy sidewalk walking to church. Another Easter I got a new baby sister -- at 6:30 AM--Daddy was back in time for church.

I love the hope of eternal life. A churchy phrase, probably better said, "the promise of life after death." Because Jesus came back from death, we can believe all he said about himself, heaven, and being with him after death.

But what I love most is one of the last things Jesus said before he returned to heaven, that he would send a "comforter". Not a fuzzy cozy blanket, but a being that would not just keep me secure, but would walk with me, through all the "stuff" of life.

THIS IS MY JOY in Easter. Jesus lives. His life is historically verified, so he was either a hoax or the Son of God, as he professed. He said that true character will be proven, as will likewise the fakes. It still takes faith, to believe, but also to hang on.

This hanging-on is what life is about. Hanging on when there is no rest for young parents. Hanging on when finances are so tight that $20 debts make us cringe. Hanging on when parents get news of cancer. Life seems dull when everything goes good, so ultimately, hanging on is where the rubber meets the road.

My God is with me in the hanging-on times. He has walked with me this past year as I have felt endless darkness, and sometimes no sense of his presence or provision. He has sent several of those "oasis flowers", but always after I've remembered to plead for them -- not take for granted that they would pop up. MY GOD! HEAR THAT! He is MY GOD!

I love the story of the tomb and the ladies finding it empty. I love knowing that one of his closest friends is remembered for his fear and doubt -- it comforts me at my lowest times. But I love most knowing that that was only the beginning. The rest of the story is that MY GOD is with me NOW!

It's not a thing about knowledge or smarts. It's all about trust. I realize each day that I can do nothing to protect my kids or grandkids, but I pray MY GOD will protect them, first from evil, and then from danger. I ask him to walk them through the hard stuff, because that is what grows them into sturdy trees that will produce good fruit.

On to today! Who knows what! I know how! With MY GOD!

My Little Tempters

I'm visiting grandkids right now -- and their parents too, of course -- but Papa Larry couldn't get away from work. The fruit blossoms with which he works are ready to pop, which means Papa will soon start his minimal 2 week stint of 18 hr days, then another 2 weeks of 12 hr days, slowing to the regular 8 hrs in about 4-5 weeks. No weekend runs at apple blossom time.

We all miss him. The first day I was here, Ian asked me, "Grandma, we've all been hoping you would move closer to us, but you haven't done it. How come?" Oooooh, tough one. How do I answer that and not confuse him with concepts of extended time? My best stab was, " ... well, when God tells us it is the right time, Ian....."

And today Luke spoke up, while we were driving. "I miss Papa Larry. And he misses me when he is at his house, and grandma misses me when she is at her house." No question. A statement. They know we love them. That tugs at my heart (and brings tears to my eyes)even as I write this.

True, God knows when is the right time to be with these little guys and their "Princess Strawberry" (as they have dubbed Libby). God knows how much their loving comments pull at grandparent-hearts -- and might even detract loving grandparents from making hard choices, in favor of grandkids. There is an obvious reason for the saying, "grandparents get to spoil them". Whether we actually spoil them or not, the temptation is SO definitely there.

I TRIED to play the superhero woman! Ian told me I had two swords in my back -- I thought that meant I was stabbed twice. It actually meant I had two sheaths on my back from which I could pull swords to fight. I'm definitely not up on -- or any good at -- this. I contorted and tried to die dramatically, till they told me, no! I could fight! Joy said she got tears from laughing so hard ..... :o)

Libby adores her brothers! She's totally engaged with them, eyes following every move. This sweet little dumpling was filling every inch of her baby seat (only 8 1/2 mos, mind you), so Mama Joy moved her into another car seat. But now she can't see to talk to brothers! Today she talked anyway. She's definitely not one to be overlooked or forgotten. She loves their shows and movies, their antics, the animals they chase. She loves Mama and Grandma's hair -- and earrings! Pulled one of mine off the other day.

Easter will be here soon -- 3 days! Joy painted crosses with them Monday morning. She said they immediately saw the crosses as SWORDS! She's learning to adapt to this "warrior" bent of the male species (erupting constantly in the little guys -- a little more controlled in the big ones). I'm still trying to understand it. For the most part, I step back, swallow, then laugh! :) Anyway, we were driving this morning when Ian saw a church cross and said, "Look Mom! A cross where Jesus died for us!" They are hearing us -- we can't give up just because it's so much work.

It's supposed to be work -- for grandmas and papas, for teachers and daycare workers, for neighbors and church friends. We are working TOGETHER. Yeah, "it takes a village". It takes a family. It takes lots of love.

So while I love my little Tempters, I must not be mastered by them. I'll look for as many ways as I can to love them, and remember Who I love most.

Happy Easter, All!

Who's the Bad Guy?

"TEN MINUTES!" Papa ranted. "You mean they won't get here for TEN MORE MINUTES!"

Yes, it was an impatient Papa, watching out the window of a darkened room, anticipating the return of the grandsons. We'd arrived from Wenatchee while they were out. His first plan was a hide-and-scare -- undoubtably the boys' favorite game.

"I think it's them...." and he scooted into the next room and sucked in his breath so he could close the closet doors. So as not to spoil the surprise, I hid behind a door in the next bedroom.

Apparently Mom had told them we were here, else they guessed quickly -- as big and little men will do -- that Papa was hiding. "Where are they?" "Do you think the bad guys got them?" "I know! I'll look under my bed! That's where I hide!" I had two hands in front of me so as to not get bopped with the door if someone slammed it, but I was also stiffling giggles at their comments.

Finally Papa jumped out and roared! They loved it, squealing and hopping up and down the hallway. Finally one sweet little guy asked, "Is Grandma here too?" He had to ask Papa two or three times, before Papa heard the question, but Grandma's ears caught it right away!

The weekend continued with romps and fights and tickles and dress-alikes. Papa now understands getting into his pajamas at 8 pm when none of the other adults do so. Luke's favorite choice at the announcement of "only 10 more minutes" was "Papa, do you want to fight?" Man, what's a girl to do?! Just sit back and enjoy the view! Men and boys playing with all the same toys!

I was proud of our little men, and loved just as deeply our little princess. She had fever and congestion as she broke her next two teeth this weekend. A little less smiley than usual.

But when I asked our birthday guy (Ian turned 5 a week before) about his party, he interrupted, "there's still some cake" and told me party details. He didn't think to ask if we had presents, but was fine with the idea when we offered. :o)

Mom and Dad are doing a great job! They are paying a price, just like all good parents who have set aside the fun of toys and entertainment geared only for adults. I heard several moans at the end of the day -- not all from Papa and Grandma. But the result is kids who really feel loved, who have parents that will laugh at their play instead of hollering and canning it.

Libby is a very easy-going baby, but this teething is really pushing her limits. A couple times she has wailed in a very uncharacteristic way. Makes her parents (and gramps!) feel sorry for her, but Ian is not sure. "We may have to get rid of her, because of all the noise," he offered. Jer and I in the front seat were about to burst. Eventually Jer told Joy, and she laughed too, then told Ian "Silly! We won't get rid of her. She's your sister!"

The fun of everyday life! We're so privileged to have bi-monthly peeks. Can't wait to see the other grands as well, and watch them all play together this summer.

And Now There Is -- LIGHT!

The nice, nice man I live with has been working evenings, Saturdays, and whenever we didn't have commitments, to finish the electrical in our offices, where are located my closets. One closet has shoes, shirts and jackets; the other has my slacks. The bedroom closet has his clothes -- because he gets dressed sometimes while I'm still sleeping -- and just because........

And on Saturday he finished it all, both rooms, so I can walk into a room and SEE what I'm pulling out, not fish to feel the texture, or pull out and put back. I can SEE where I am walking, not put my hand out in front to not walk into Libby's play-n-back (folded!) that we will take home to her in a couple of weeks. I don't have to get my clothes out the night before and hang them in our room because I can SEE them early in the morning!

I like my nice man. I like it that he likes to do things for me. I want to keep him another 32 years. I want our grandkids to know what a nice man he is so they will want to be like him.

Again! It takes Time!

Life has been so far removed from what I thought it would be at this stage. I thought it might be bor-ing.......and I would do project after project. HA! "How are you doing with the empty nest?" someone asks. "Well, we aren't home to find out!" Since Lora married, life has been too much to do, too little time, too little sleep, too much forgetting, too much we want to forget!

But St. Francis of Assisi's prayer brings it into focus. He said,
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sew love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair; hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born
TO ETERNAL LIFE!"

Well put, St Francis. You remind me that this is not all there is. The bumps and bruises will heal, most quickly, most easily, most sweetly, if I give what I would like to receive; if I pray for others when I yearn for someone to root for me; if I reach out when I feel more alone than I can stand.

Because Life DOES rebirth itself! It comes around.

Life takes ...... Time!

They Understand?

I subbed Kindergarten today. First thing this morning the kids were, of course, asking, "Where is Teacher? Why isn't she here?"

I told them that I did not know, that she probably had an appointment today.

One little girl volunteered, "Maybe she just needed a break from all the yelling......."

I know this teacher is not a yeller, but the kids do know when we are at our breaking points. Actually we WANT them to know, don't we?!

I See Him

Larry's neice is expecting her first child any time, and I have been working on a baby quilt for our new little Katelyn, like I did when the other neices had their first little ones .... who are now not little anymore.......

With our remodel going for so long, my sewing has been very minimal. I thought I had sewn something within the last few months, but it must have been either by serger or by hand, because when I pulled out my machine yesterday, the power cord was missing.

I remember finding a cord I couldn't identify when we were packing and moving things -- last May! It was an odd shaped plug-in, so I felt it must be important. I just didn't know where it belonged. Must have been Larry's, I thought. I stashed it -- somewhere!

So the brain started rummaging through possibilities, and I looked everywhere it should have been. No luck. Next I go (yes, this is a common practice) where it should NOT have been. Still no luck. I started reaching for any memories connected with a cord, that cord, any cord. I thought maybe I had stuffed it into one of Larry's laptop cases and called him at work to ask him to check them out. Still no luck. The baby was due last Sunday, so I NEEDED to get this project completed -- before I misplace it!

Ok, next, where might Larry put something like that, if HE found it where it shouldn't be? I began checking his haunts, places he puts reading material, glasses (I found 4 old pair in his bedside drawer and 2 add'l cases - smile!), notes. I remembered the cabinets we designated for his "library" under the phone in the kitchen.

Bingo! I found my cord! Not wrapped the way I wrap it, so I felt confirmed that he'd found it and re-placed it. But now I could proceed with my work.

Silly to you, I know, but important to me. Yes, I always breathe a prayer when I'm frustrated at what I can't find. I didn't need to tell God how important this was to me. He knows I'm trying to maintaine order , minimize confusion -- to survive. No bargains like "I'll do an act of kindness if you help me find my cord....." It was just His gift. Just a kindness.

I probably could have bought another cord, maybe online or in a local shop that carries my line of machines. It would have taken $30 to $50 and a week or ten days. Not that the mama needs the gift before baby arrives -- that won't happen. I just need order. I forget things if I can't follow-up right away. Like the friend that did me a favor last week ............

I know Someone is looking out for me. A cord is a simple gift, but my reasons for needing it were important. He knew that. He loves me.

Rubble

www.arosetta.blogspot.com/

God must be doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work in my life even tho I question the day-to-day outcomes. Sometime wonder if I should "straighten out" some people (NOT) , then realize the best choice is waiting. UGH!

But I see God working in other people's lives. The link at the beginning is a young friend I've watched grow from girl to woman. I've seen her make choices, build on them, trust the people, and the God, with whom she has entrusted her heart. I've seen her follow opportunities, prioritize her family and their best interests, and let go of selfish inclinations to compare achievements or accumulation. In other words, she is not holding tightly to this world. She's responding to yearnings the One who made her is feeding.

I also know another woman who is experiencing other bumps and bruises of life that I don't want. She is battling fear and anxiety, reaching for the "protruding root" that will help her climb back up the banks of the dark river into which she has fallen. She has reached several times and found what she thought was a sturdy grasp was instead one more fledgling branch. I ache for her but know she is watching One who walks along the river, trying to point her to a secure path. Just yesterday she showed me more of her growth and faith. I can't pull her up -- she must find the path herself. But not alone.

Several friends are tending to aging parents. One just experienced the last family gathering they expect to have with "dad" while here on earth. Another is traveling 7-8 hours out of a two day trip to be with an ailing parent. The loss of a parent during our adult years is an ominous experience. Not wierd in the supernatural sense, but wierd like "how will I learn to walk through what you've experienced? how will I survive?" Yes, we're left dazed. It again becomes about our own deeply wretching sorrow.

Another friend is experiencing extreme stress in his professional world. That stress colors his judgment, which makes his entire perspective rock. Since we all interact with one another, our stress affects those close to us, despite our efforts to protect them. I pray for him.

And two more friends have found each other again after many years apart, and want to rush into each other's arms without wise counsel and careful preparation for dealing with issues that initially separated them. I care for them.

These and many other cares affect my faith in God. I look at the ones who are seeking him, and the ones who want to seek him, and then think about the ones who don't know that He is WHO they seek. Either God is all-knowing and -loving and -powerful as He says....... Either He created all I see and all I can't imagine that is beyond and keeps it running as long as He sees fit...... Either He cares about the most common birds that visit my back-yard seed pot..... or he is nothing. He can't be both.

I believe He cares. I believe He is in charge. I believe He is growing me and all who want to grow, daily, as He sees we're able to handle the challenges. I believe He is gently opening the eyes of our hearts, wiping away the crusty tears of disappointment, forgiving our fearful kicking and screaming as we realize we can't control much of what happens.

I believe this is love at its finest. Sitting with us in the rubble of our lives, holding us as we scream, rest, hope, and trust. It's a cycle that repeats itself despite good intentions. We're so human, so weak. God is so patient, so merciful.

Rest in his arms, in his care. Believe in his trust. It's our only hope in the devastation of reality.

Kids WILL Surprise You

http://jeremy-amuse.blogspot.com/

Last Sunday in KidZone was very challenging! A 35-yr teaching veteran had the lead and I was present to be the "go-for" or extra hand for anything else needed. Turned out there were several things needed.

Our kids worked on their Christmas musical from September to December. Sunday morning KidZone became a time of jumping and giggling rather than sitting and listening. After the performance we had a couple Sundays of regular KidZone, but we thought little of the antsy disruptions because it was Christmastime. Now it's January -- things should have been back to normal.

But they weren't. Our kids pulled on each other, laid on the floor, leaned, whispered, challenged the teacher(s). The idea that "NO" means no seemed completely forgotten. We had to persist but find new tactics. Frustrating! but we got through.

Then yesterday I found the above blog, totally identified with the frustrations of a dad who is thinking "why can't these people just let my kid have a room to play in -- so I can listen?" And I remembered why we take little people to adult church.

I remember taking our kids into services when we'd usually have to take one out for a talk. I remember flushing as one of them yelled "don't 'pank me! don't 'pank me!" as I passed the 10 seats between us and the door. I remember getting very little out of those services. I was serving rather being served.

But I also got little out of the meals I fixed during those years. They were either cold or everyone was done when I got to my food. Through one period I was often nursing one baby and spoon feeding the other at meal time. Bad choice, I know now, but my best solution then. But I was serving, not being served.

The little ones are learning. The bigger kids are learning. They are learning from our behavior and attitudes. They are learning from what is being said.

And, as the blog parent points out, we will learn from them.

How Big!

Lora and Andrew stopped by last night for supper prior to leaving for Portland this morning. We ate subs in front of the TV. Viewing was science, a natural fascination for them, but subject matter on which I focus, am wowed! for about two minutes, and am back to my book.

But the program was a PBS episode on what is happening beyond the heavens that we can see. They detailed system after system that is outside and beyond the Milky Way galaxy. The narrators also described a little of what they think is happening in these systems, how they are each a part of bigger systems, and how long it takes to see from one end to the other of these systems.....

All that detail hardly makes it to my head. It definitely passes out as quickly as it goes in.

What stuck with me is how big -- how endless! -- this "creation" is! I don't know if they would even call it a creation -- that isn't my point.

Whether we'll be in line to be imploded, exploded, vaporized, or baked is more than I can mentally deal with. I can't live with the fear those possibilities might create. I'm better off not hearing about them. Like it or not, THAT's THE WAY GOD MADE ME!

But the fact that each flower is unique shows it was individually created. Each snow crystal is unlike any other. A Designer made each of them. He knows each unique human life, born and unborn, and knows each hair on each head. To have likewise created each of these star systems -- of which we are minute particles in only one, and of course, the snowflakes so miniscule compared to one of us -- and to plan such detail with the smallest indescribable parts, speaks of some kind of interest, care, empathy. To have created us with emotion, logic, and a part that is above and beyond emotion or logic -- the soul -- speaks of DEEP care, deep love, and explains that such a sacrifice as the birth and death of a God-man might have occurred. But WHY is beyond our abilities to feel or reason! It is INFINITELY beyond!

Getting away from our ability to understand and reason! My point, exactly!

Worrying about my future is something not meant for me. If my Designer could orchestrate just the right survival temperatures to sustain life on our earth for just the right amounts of time, and my body to function with all the balances required in this environment, for just the time I need to get to know HIM, the Designer -- I know I'm safe. Safe in the Designer's plan, safe in the relationship I feel with Him, safe in the infinity of my ignorance.

A confirmation of how smart I don't have to be!

Rough Day

It seems like the desert of the last year still extends ahead of me. I feel so dry and empty emotionally. New and unexpected challenges pop up, and I want to run and hide -- but no where to go! Yet in 50+ years, I've learned that sitting around crying only wastes energy.

Yesterday I was cooking and sniffling, and praying that God would provide an opening if he wanted me to deal with an issue. Not an issue I want to deal with, but one I felt important. Within the hour I got a call, and the opening to deal with it. Did it go well? Nope, it didn't. Did I expect it to go well? Not necessarily. But I was just glad to hear from God, a sign that he still knows I'm here and needing him........

I just read the blog of a young 30-something that is about to undertake a life-turn that doesn't make sense to most peers, even to most 50+ ers. Our culture is about gaining, acquiring, achieving. Ha! Making plans to sacrifice and suffer (not talking literal martyrdom here, but emotional letting go and knowing it won't be easy) is not the popular trend, surely not common. But it's clearly what God calls his people to do. Doing what we know we must do at the cost of what we want to do. WOW, unpleasant. Not what I want to choose.

I admire this young person, but I also thank God for the inspiration of one other "God-follower" who is admitting anguish, yet forging ahead, fully intent on continuing commitment. She will have deserts, and then oases, as do I. My oases often seem very farrrrrrr apart. I just need to see them -- and know God is still aware of me.

She made one statement, not a verbatim quote: "...we don't have to understand God." That sums up a lot. It isn't as simple as a first glance might suggest. Of course, we'll never understand God! you might say flippantly. But I want to understand why he is allowing my desert to go so long. I want to understand why there aren't more companions to be found at my oases.

I'm re-reading a book that has taken me back through the life of King David, writer of the Psalms, killer of the lion and the bear and the giant, warrior who established the city of Jerusalem and the lineage into which Jesus was born. David was "the man" of his time, but he made some serious blunders, then returned to right living -- and did the cycle several times over. I like the story because it demonstrates how God wants to forgive us, disrespectful of who we are or what we've done. He just wants to forgive.

What jumped out to me from this recent study is how un-lucky David was in love. He married the girl of his dreams, lost her when her father stole her away and sent her off to another man. He then married other women (never a smart move, but more understandable both in the culture and considering he thought she was lost). He retrieved his first love when he became king, but by then she was too hurt and angry to love him again, and David eventually banished her. His many wives bickered, plotted for and against their sons. But it seems to me that none of these were sole mates to David. He was left alone. Just David and God.

That is a desert that must have lasted a lifetime. I have my moments with Larry but I'm SO glad to have him, his faithful, gentle, and compassionate love. David wasn't so lucky. I share my anguish with Larry, and together we go to God.

Rough day or night, God is with me. Dark clouds or sun, he sees me. I'm thankful for times he sends encouragement, but I still wonder why life has to be so tough.

But I know, he is God.

Reflections

Wow! It's been such a busy time! First was the rush of wrapping, baking, and washing. Then once we arrived with the grandkids there was play, play, play! I have empathy constantly for the mothering my daughters now do.

Libby is a magical blessing! WOW! A girl for Joy and I to play dolls with! The boys love her -- wonderously! -- but they still play the loud, blustery boy-play! She'll find her own ways of keeping up -- watch out, brothers!!!

We miss Jenny and Jon, and Paul and Emily. I'd love to see Paul and Emily around a Christmas tree. Lora and Andrew are with us now, enjoying their time when everyone else is back to the grind. The good side to a belated holiday!

Now I sit back and survey tasks I need to tackle, and feel I still need to cherish the quiet glory of the season. I am realizing God's quiet sufficiency. Today I have been wondering if I've really been reaching for the strength He has promised to give if we ask -- expecting an answer!

It's a wonderful snowy day outside! Heavy snowfall! Big flakes! Beauty! Magic! Calm.....

I think I need to enjoy the mysteries around me, and trust the Maker of the Snow for the things I can't understand.

And see what other mysteries are present that I've overlooked!

Man, I love to watch a snowfall! Feel like a six-year-old kid -- till I start shoveling the driveway.....